What He Left Behind

Part 05

Ireland

I opened the door and there was Ryan. He was the last person that I expected to see on the other side.

“Ireland, please just let me explain.” He said quickly.

“I don’t want your explanation, I should have expected this from you.”

“Come on Ireland, don’t be like that. I was busy and I forgot.”  He looked down at his shoes.

“You had to turn your phone off to do whatever it is you were doing?  I called about 2 or 3 times. Ella kept asking where you were and I had to tell her that I for once in her life didn’t know the answer to that.” I was so angry that I started to cry. That was one of my downfalls with Ryan, he gets me so caught up that the anger in my just builds and builds until I have to cry it out.

“Please don’t cry. I’m really sorry. I was talking to Anna and she was getting on my nerves, I was so angry that I couldn’t see straight. I don’t know how I forgot.” He pleaded.

“I can’t let someone into her life that isn’t going to be stable. She doesn’t need that. I have been here everyday Ryan!” I raised my voice. “Everyday since you left me, I have set in this apartment trying to be strong for her.”

“You never told me, I never would have left you! You should know that. I loved you with everything in me, but we weren’t good for each other at the time. We both had other things that we wanted to do with our lives and we were holding each other back. I couldn’t do that to you.”

“You didn’t give me time to tell you. I wasn’t going to tell you on your way out the door. I wanted you to stay because you loved me, not because I was pregnant with your child. I have had to sacrifice everything for her Ryan! You got to walk away and never look back, you never even came home, you never called…” I trailed off still crying.

“I did love you and leaving you was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. I had to shut you off completely, because one look into your eyes and I would have been right back here with you for the rest of my life. But neither one of us were ready for that.” He cooed as he wiped the tears away from my eyes.

“I wasn’t ready to have a baby either. My life has been built around this little girl since you left. When I went into labor with her all I could see were this wives with their husbands right by theirs sides, coaching them. Who did I have? No one.  I had my mother and your parents.”

“I didn’t mean to make you do that alone. Can I come in so we can talk?” He asked. How could I say no to that? He always had a way of making me soft, so I let him in, knowing that I should have made him leave.

I led him to the couch and sat down facing him. “You have to know that I tried to do what was right for us, Ireland. I would have never left you willingly. I loved you for crying out loud. I thought we were going to get married one day…”

“I thought the same thing and then all of a sudden you wanted to leave. I had given up so much to make this relationship work, Ryan. I was heartbroken. I thought that my life was basically over. You were my first love. The only person that I had ever dated. What was I going to do without you? I had to figure all that out, while planning out a way to provide for a baby.”

“Please let me try to make it up to you. I need that peace. I want to know my daughter. I don’t want her to grow up without me anymore than she has already. I have missed so much..” He hung his head low.

“Ryan you have to be stable in her life. You can’t just walk in one day, make her a million promises and then leave the next day. She is too fragile for that. And I will not let you do it to her.”

“I am going to be there from now on, you have to believe me. I will do everything in my power to make sure that she gets everything she deserves.” He pleaded.

My heart wanted one thing, but my head told me another. What should I do? Should I give him a chance and risk her stable life? Or should I keep her away from him and have her hate me later on in her life? I don’t know what to do. Being a mother is so hard sometimes.

Just then Ryan reached over and kiss my forehead. “You shouldn’t frown so much, you will get wrinkles much faster.” He smiled.

“Ryan I..” He cut me off by kissing me fully. My mind was racing too far ahead of myself to make him stop. I realized how much I had missed his touch these past couple of years. His sensitive side, his surprises, his cute little gestures, who wouldn’t? He was a big part of my life. I felt his hand slide up my thigh as he moved closer to me.

I had to stop this, but what could I say? I couldn’t lie and tell him this is something that I didn’t want. Because the truth is that I have dreamed of this moment since the day that he left.  Soon though I was saved by the doorbell.

He pulled back, “Just ignore it.” He started to kiss me again.

“I can’t, it’s Josh.” I said getting up. “Don’t mention this to him..”

He just looked at me knowing what I meant. I hoped he wouldn’t hint that anything was going on.  I could feel the guilt building in my stomach.

Ryan

She looked back at me before she opened the door. She took my breath away, I didn’t know what just happened. How could I have been so stupid? I live miles away, with my girlfriend. Oh Shit, Anna is going to kill me. She told me that I would do something like this… I didn’t plan on that happening, I just have something so different with Ireland than with Anna.

“Hey.” She smiled and let Josh in. I noticed that he kissed her forehead when he came in. Then I caught his eye.

“Hey Ryan.” He smiled. I don’t think he knew anything.

“Hey man.” I smiled and got up.

“Where’s my girl?” he asked Ireland.

“She is sleeping and I would appreciate it if you didn’t wake her up until we are ready.” She smiled at him.

“Fine..” He looked defeated.

I felt so weird being here with Josh. He looks like he fits right in. That made the jealously rise up in me to think about all the nights that he could spend here with Ireland and Ella. She knows him better than she knows me and I am her father.

“I have to go, I’ll just see you later.” I said as I made my way to the door.

“Well I’m going to shower, I’ll be out in a minute, Bye man.” He said as he walked toward her bedroom.

“See ya. Bye Ireland.” I opened the door and walked out. She stepped into the hallway to follow me.

“Ryan.. this isn’t what it looks like.”

“Save it Ireland.”

“No, I won’t. I’m not gonna have you walk out of here thinking that way about me. Josh is my best friend. He looks out for me and Ella. He was there when you weren’t.” She was getting angry again.

“Okay, well I’m still leaving. I’ll call you tomorrow or something.” I got in the elevator. The last thing I saw was the sadness that she has tried so hard not to let show, reach her eyes. It took everything in my not to walk right over to her and kiss her. But now I knew my place and I would stay in it. I would be going back to Anna in a few days, then everything would be normal again.  

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Sorry that it has taken me forever to update. I have just been super busy. But the good news is that graduation is right around the corner and I will have more time to work on my stories then. Hopefully a weekly update. But please comment and vote! Love youuuuu