Alexithymia: Frerard

Don't Come Too Close, Please

I actually didn't sleep very well that night. I had had a long day, but something seemed to be keeping me up. I tossed and turned and thought about what had happened between Frank and his girlfriend that night. When he woke up, would he remember anything? My duvet was tossed around and abused by my restless self. My head wouldn't quit thinking about the outcome of a random guy I didn't know, who was practically yards away from me in my flat. My eyes just weren't tired and my brain wouldn't shut up.

After about 3 hours of lying with my eyes wide open, I became tired enough to drop off to sleep. It was around 6 am ish though, which wasn't too good. Although I didn't have a work shift in the day like that night, I still didn't want to end up waking up at a ridiculous time. I had made a pact with myself to try and change my habits; the objective was to better my life and mental health by getting out more and getting groceries regularly, maybe even meeting people. Y'know, the type of stuff people are actually supposed to do in their lives.

I ended up waking up at 1pm. My plan hadn't worked, of course. I didn't give Frank a second thought, completely forgetting I had let some poor drunk guy sleep on my couch. I hauled myself out of bed to the kitchen to get some toast and a cup of coffee, not looking in the direction of the couch. As I went about my business for the morning, I dropped a teaspoon onto the floor, a shrill thud making me wince and an observer jump.

That made me jump, turning my full attention to the figure on the couch. Frank sat up with his eyes wide open, shocked at my presence.

"Oh! Good morning, Frank" I adjusted myself, forced to remember he was here, too.

"Did we sleep together?" Frank asked in confusion.

Classy.

"Um, no. We didn't sleep together, you were drunk last night and stumbled into where I work and I didn't know where to take you, so I thought you'd be better staying here for the night until you knew where you were supposed to be," I explained, "if that makes sense."

He narrowed his eyebrows at me, as if he's never heard anything like it in his life. Mind you, he probably hadn't. That did make me sound a little bit mental.

"Ah, right. Well thank you, I guess. Um, this is embarrassing to ask, really, but what's your name?" Frank twitched.

"I'm Gerard. How are you feeling?"

He leaned over to his knees before answering, rubbing his temple in pain.

"Now that you mention it, not too great" Frank answered, making a quiet hissing sound out of discomfort.

"Coffee?"

"Please."

I made coffee and toast for both of us, bringing it over to the coffee table and setting it down. Frank was curled up in a ball with the blanket tossed around him.

"So, do you remember anything that happened last night?" I asked, nervously.

"...Well, I remember being at a party and I can remember the pounding bass,  that's pretty well engraved in my head right now" he winced. "I remember going through a lot of boxes too, and spending a lot of time at a store." There it is.

"Right. Do you remember anything to do with your girlfriend?"

Frank held the bridge of his nose between his finger tips in clear disappointment. This guy's relationship was obviously problematic, even before last night happened.

"Do you know what happened?" He asked, looking up at me.

My mouth twitched hesitantly. I was going to have to be the one to let him down.

"From what I gathered, there was a small argument, resulting in her 'dumping' you and storming off and you telling me why she was upset. You seemed upset about her, and you were telling me you really loved her and you didn't have anywhere else to go other than where she let you." I felt bad about telling him this, but it was important. I didn't know how else to address this type of situation either. I don't know if you can guess, but this doesn't happen to me very often.

Frank's hands pressed against his forehead in annoyance, scrunching up as he squeezed his eyes shut.

"Damn it, Iero. You really did it this time, huh, you son of a bitch." Frank spoke to himself. pausing for a minute and let out a huff.

"I'm sorry, Gerard. I'm just going through a rough patch right now, this just tops it all off."

I gave him a blunt smile to let him know I didn't mind, but I think it was a little obvious I was uncomfortable. I wanted to help him, but I didn't know how.

"Is there anything I could do to help?," was I actually about to propose this?,"I know you don't have any place to go, so you could stay here for a couple nights I guess." Dammit.

Frank looked up at me with hope in his puppy-dog eyes, before looking down at his knees again as if he was ashamed. He shook his head softly. "I couldn't ask for that, Gerard. I wouldn't want to bother you."

Come on, Gerard. You made a pact with yourself. What's the harm in being  a little hospitable?

"...No, I wouldn't mind. If that's what you need until you find somewhere."

Frank bit his lip in deep thought. This must've been a lot for him to take in, especially with a hangover. Part of me hoped Frank knew that I was out of my comfort zone, but I also wanted to help him and try to better myself as a person. This 'alexithymia' bullshit wouldn't get the best of me. I could make friends.

"Wow, that's so nice of you, Gerard. It wouldn't be too long! I promise. T-thank you so much for e-everything." Frank stuttered nervously. What did he have to be nervous about?

I gave him a small smile before getting off my chair.
"So, I got you coffee and toast," I gestured to the shitty breakfast I had made him,"and I'm gonna go get dressed now. If you wanna use the bathroom after me, it's down that corridor and to the left." He smiled at me and nodded thankfully.

I shuffled away to the bathroom. What was I thinking? This wasn't me. I was somewhat proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone, but still a hundred percent freaked out.