Love again, Pain again

7

       After February 29th I was a mess. It was so hard to let new people become a part of my life. I had so many trust issues with so many people.
     Ally, she's my best friend. She was there for me before, during, and after February 29th. I love her so much and it was so easy for me to just open myself to her. I could tell her anything and I still do. She's the rock to my life. She helps me with everything. I know I annoy her most of the time but she doesn't ever show it. She still stands by my side and will help me get through the hell I've gone through.
        After the 29th I became a better person because Ally and so many other people showed me that there is so much more life. They made me realize that even though I may feel empty, I'm not empty because I am filled with so many peoples love. Ally's love, families love, Megs love and so many more people.
        The hardest part was trying to like guys again. There were a couple of relationships here and there but nothing serious like Kyle.
        Kyle was the first guy I truly opened myself since the 29th. I gave him my life, my heart and my words, but we had to let that go. It hit me so hard losing Kyle, because I felt like I didn't just lose a guy in my life, but I lost the guy of my life. Till this day I still think it is impossible for me to find a guy I care about like I cared about Kyle. What guy would I want other than Kyle? No guy. Not any other damn guy in this world. Losing him hurt so bad. I'm so tired of people I love walking out of my life, but I've gotten used to the pain. How bad is it to say I've gotten used to the feel of my heart tearing or my eyes burning from all the crying. I'm used to it. And Kyle made me realize it.