Selfless

Change

(Y/N) p.o.v

The morning sunlight creeps into the tiny slits from the curtains. Its rays are hitting my eyes, making them twitch. Naturally, I want to turn away. But this is a special exception. Looking at it makes me think that atleast there is still one thing bright in my life. My dreams are weirdly connected to the real world. Last night, I was dreaming the same dream from before I fell from the tree.  What I  do in my dreams, my body somehow attempts to mimic it. It's real annoying. And for that, I tug my blanket up to my neck, protecting myself from the coldness emitted by the Air Conditioner.

It's been a week since that day. Since I choose us. To open my heart, only to be shut by the one person I wanted to open it up to. I have been absent from the class. Koro-sensei, Kayano, Nagisa, and Karma tried to visit me along with few others. But I didn't let them because I don't want people to see. Today, I didn't have the intrinsic motivation to get and suck it up. This bed has been my comforter for days and I was not about to lose contact with it. Besides, it's a saturday. But more importantly, today is the burial of Meg's mother. I never been a fan of funeral. The only funeral I ever went to was Charles, which was painful, and my dog Lisa, which was also painful. I couldn't bear to see events that signifies the commemoration of the most painful goodbye. And what happened that day after that day where Meg confronted me is a latent reason why I chose to stay.

Mother and father attended the burial. I didn't. Even if Meg's father and my mother are siblings, they were never close. Well, they were once but because my mother chose my father, their relationship has gone casual, if not stumbling. We only got to have a renunion when our grandmother died. If you're looking for a happy celebration, then at that renunion, we were somewhat reunited. Other than that, there were none. Plus, I didn't want to bother  Yuma and Meg. She's hurting right now. After all that happened and me being there would make matters worse. No one needs me there anyways. Pretty sure all of our classmates and teachers in E-class went there. Koro-sensei must be in his desperate form of disguise. The thought makes me smile. But that happiness isn't going to last.

I straighten up, eyes on the ceiling. In the ceiling, I saw my artwork. It's a painting of the concept of a flat world, where everything falls off on the edge. My life is a perfect reflection. It's flat, waiting for me to fall. Oh, my head hurts. I pull my stiff hands to my head, blocking my eyes. Wait a minute, Charles. No, I'm not sulking about him again. We were once talking about my artwork and said it's to flat. He said that I should make it rounder but I declined, saying that I like it that way and that I'm to lazy to do modifications. Then when he gave me that glasses, he said, "Wear this whenever you look up at that ceiling of yours. It'll be more rounder."

You're right Charles. I should look at the world more differently. If I let myself get engulfed by my own philosophy, I'll never be happy. This time, I don't care if people will hate or see me differently. I'll change. I'll change for my own sake and no longer for others. "Thank you Charles. Sorry if it took me long to realize." But sorry Charles, I'm not loving anyone else just yet. You said it yourself, I'll be selfish. I'll find myself first, even if it makes others worry. After that, I can love again. After that, I'll finally move om from my brokenheart. Both broken by your death and by Yuma's false hope.

My mother and father have always been supportive of me. They even agreed that I'd dye my hair violet. Changing it will do no harm. I'm thinking grey. No, silver is much better. When mom got home, I asked permission which was relayed to dad. He gladly allowed. I never do ask them favors frequently so that might have been an incentive.

>Timeskip:Two days later<

I blowdry my silver hair and curl it outwards. With my eyes, I limed them with a little bit with black eyeliner. For my lips, I only applied a tinted lip gloss. Yosh. I take one final glance on the mirror. Nothing wrong. Then I took a little bit more time looking at myself. No, this formality won't do. I take of my uniform coat and tie it on my waist. Then I grab my beats headphones, plugged them to my phone, and put them around my neck. With one last touch, I put some geeky black-framed glasses. All done!

"Van! Breakfast is ready!" Mom shouted.

"Coming." I head for down. My parents were taken a back.

"What? Is there something wrong? You agreed to this right?" I stiffened, thinking about what the reason behind those reactions.

"No, there's nothing wrong dear. It's just that you look like you're mother when we meet. Beautiful as ever." Dad complimented before turning to mom and giving her a wink. I think I saw mom blush.

I exhaled in relief. "Yukata. Do I really look like you, Mom? When you were younger?"

"Of course. Were do you think you got those beautiful genes from?" My mom jokes. I hug her and kiss her in the cheek. "Why, do I have to answer the obvious?" All of us laugh. "Come on! Let's eat breakfast together! It's been long since we ate together."

All of us agreed. When we were done, mom took the plates to the sink while dad was taking out the trash. Dad returned to help mom. This is a perfect oppurtunity. "Hey, Mom, Dad. I was thinking of asking you this."

"What is it sweetheart?"

"Can I join the dance club? from school?"

"Of course dear! Dancing and singing really runs in our blood."

"Then off I go them!"

"Be careful!"

This time. I'll be selfish. This time. I'll love myself. This time. I want to live my life without worry. This time. I'll be happy.