Food doesn't taste good
Anymore
Each bite is met with
Hesitance
And sweaty palms of guilt.
Sometimes I can't breathe,
It's shallow and my heart
Pounds like hammered nails
In the cage of my chest
I can't calm down
It just goes faster
My breathing
Until I can't take it anymore.
I feel unworthy
Of Love
Or tender thoughts said by
The ghost of a boyfriend
Who called me the prettiest
Girl in the world
And said I looked good in overalls
But he never kissed me
And forgot to call
When I gave him my number.
I get headaches
Only when I'm nervous
And my hands tremble like a country road
So quickly that the fork will not raise to my lips
And my chewing is slow
And unwanted
All words my father thinks
Are my name.
I'm fifteen.
I feel suffocated constantly
By lined paper and chipping pencils
And the powder of eyeshadow
And pressure of matte lips
Which I hold no desire
To paint on my face
Like I am one of Picasso's
Masterpieces
Instead of just a girl.
I'm fifteen.
Not angsty,
Just an age,
Just trying to inhale without shaking
Speak without vomiting
Smile without
Wishing
For something to hinder the pain.
I'm fifteen.
Too young
Too old
What is there to say
When you realize that no matter how
Much you apologize
How much you plead with yourself
To eat,
You cannot fight your mind or the notion
That you are not okay.
I'm fifteen.
That's all I am.
YOU ARE READING
About That Girl
Random"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde
