[Vic’s POV]
I returned Kellin’s embrace and wrapped my arms tightly around him. He always did give really good hugs. But I couldn’t help but feel guilty now. All I seemed to be doing lately was fucking things up and letting the people who mattered the most to me down. And it hurt. It hurt like a fucking knife in my chest.
But I couldn’t let Kellin know. He already worries too much about me.
That’s one thing I really admire about Kellin; despite all the shit he’s going through, he manages to put everyone else before him. Thinking about that, I start to feel like even more of an asshole. Here Kellin is, comforting me on the beach because of my own stupid, selfish problems while his father left him homeless and fled the state with practically everything he owned. I need to get my shit together.
“So, you wanna go swimming or are we just gonna sit here?” Kellin speaks up, poking my shoulder. Plastering a painful smile to my face, I nod and take his hand. We race down to the shore and stand, hand in hand, as the waves roll up and surround our ankles. Though the view and adorable boy standing next to me are quite lovely, my mind simply won’t let me enjoy anything. Hateful thoughts pour through my mind. Voices shout at me that I’m not good enough for Kellin, and how I’m selfish for dragging him into my problems.
“He doesn’t need you!” they shout.
“He deserves better than you! You’re worthless!”
The screaming is silenced and I’m snapped back into reality by the feeling of salt water being splashed into my face, and someone tugging on my hand, pulling me farther into the water.
“C’mon, Vic!” I hear Jaime yell as he splashes around in the waves, Tony and Mike not too far off, either. I laugh a bit as Kellin and I venture farther into the tides. Once we’re far enough out, we start paddling around and splashing each other in the face. The salty water burns like hell on my stomach, but I shake off the feeling. I could tell by the way Kellin looked at me that he could sense my pain. He swam over and squeezed my hand below the surface of the water, giving me a reassuring smile.
After about half an hour of swimming, we all hauled ourselves onto the shore to chow down on whatever Mike had decided to pack for us. I was actually glad we’d be eating now. I felt like I hadn’t eaten in days at this point. We plopped ourselves down on our towels, Kellin next to me, Mike next to Tony and Jaime by himself. Mike reached into the cooler and picked out some sandwiches and passed them around to all of us.
Peanut-butter and Jelly? I should’ve known.
We’re all kind of silent as we eat, which I figured was because everyone was so hungry from swimming for a half an hour. But the silence let my mind trail back to the terrible thoughts that hung over me like storm clouds. The voices returned to shouting how worthless and selfish I was, and how Kellin would be better off without me. I couldn’t help but agree with them, though. Perhaps Kellin would be better off without me. I mean, he’d be able to sort out his own problems without needing to worry about me and my idiotic ones, right? I honestly couldn’t bear to know I’d worried Kellin so much. I knew he wanted to help me, but what about him? I was supposed to be helping him, not the other way around.
I slowly exhaled a sigh, louder than I intended to, which gained a few puzzled looks from the others. I shook it off and consumed the last few bites of my sandwich, hoping everyone would think I was just randomly sighing. Everything is fine, right?
No.
The time was about four o’clock now, and we decided it would be best to pack up and head home. Mike, Kellin and I threw our bags in the back of my car while Jaime and Tony piled their belongings in the back of Jaime’s car. We said our goodbye’s for the day and promised to meet up again some other time this week before separating and hopping into the car. I slid into the driver’s seat once more, Kellin beside me and Mike in the back. We left the parking lot and drove home, silence practically suffocating me the whole way back. Kellin would reach his hand over every now and then and entwine his fingers with mine, mouthing “it’ll be okay” and passing a genuine smile to me. I’d respond with the best smile I could possibly fake and squeeze his hand in mine before turning my attention back to the dull roads.
I really just wanted to fall asleep right now, though. Because I know if I do, there’s that small possibility that I won’t wake up. I know that’s a bit morbid, but somehow, it gave me an odd sense of comfort.
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Sorry for not updating this sooner. I've been really busy with school 'n shit.
BUT OMG THE HOUSE PARTY TOUR WAS FUCKING FABULOUS. I GOT VIC'S AND ALEX'S GUITAR PICKS, GUYS. LIKE OMFG.
Anywhore, thanks for reading. Almost 600 views on Fanfiction.net! Don't forget to vote, comment and follow! <3
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Wonderless (Kellic VS. Fuenciado)
FanficVic is just an average High School student battling depression and his own personal demons. Kellin, a boy the same age as Vic, comes along and turns Vic's whole world around. But Kellin isn't all he's made out to be. Love triangles bloom, hearts are...
