Wonderless (Kellic VS. Fuenciado)

Wonderless - Chapter 17

Jaime's P.O.V

 It had been a few days since I'd seen Vic at the park, and I hadn't spoken to him since. We never talked during school. Actually, I hadn't really talked to anyone. I just really couldn't stand being around people. I felt so stupid. My best friend probably hates me, leaving me no chance at all to ever be with him—not that I had a chance to begin with. Mike and Tony had spent every single day with each other, always doing stupid couple stuff that just made me feel even worse about myself.

 The only good thing about this was that Kellin and Vic seemed to not be talking. Not to be rude or whatever, but I just don't want Kellin to hurt Vic any more than he probably has. I had no idea if Vic had questioned Kellin about the lunch disaster, but I had a feeling it came up in conversation at one point. The whole thing has just been really driving me crazy, though. At this point, I'd be happier living alone in a dark cave with my bass, some music, a phone and free wifi. No worries, nobody to hurt me and, best of all, no Kellin.

 I would miss Vic, though. His laugh, his smile... The way his eyes light up whenever he's happy. And his voice. I think I'd miss that the most.

 Too bad he hates me.

 I really need to get away from these thoughts I've been having lately. The thoughts about Vic, and some... darker things.

 I've never really been one to contemplate hurting myself, let alone suicide, but lately I can't get either of those thoughts out of my head. The other day, I had even tried to hurt myself with a blade from an old pencil sharpener. I hadn't, though, because I figured someone would find out and I'd be looked down upon even more than I am now. And what if Vic found out? He'd hate me even more, right? He'd think I was some pathetic, worthless loser who doesn't want anything but attention.

 Sighing and sitting up on my bed I got up and trudged out of my room, slipping my Vans on as I reached the door. I continued through my hall and out the front door. Perhaps I nice stroll would help to clear my head. It was a nice day, so I assumed it would at least get my mind off of those thoughts, even if only for a few hours.

 I walked down the sidewalk, heading for downtown, my hands in my pockets and head my hanging low. This depression I'd somehow acquired just wouldn't let me walk freely. I always felt like someone was staring at me, silently judging every move I make. Plus, I just hated the feeling of accidentally making eye contact with strangers.

 As I started to pass the downtown park, the clouds overhead began to roll in and, soon enough, the rain poured. It poured like a mother fucker. The best part was that I had no umbrella, and no way to get home other than walking.

 “Fucking great,” I sighed to myself, turning and heading home. But before I could start walking, something caught my attention. In fact, it was the last thing I wanted to see at this moment. Sitting in the gazebo were Vic and Kellin, making out like no one was watching.

  Feeling my eyes well with tears, I turned and fled down the sidewalk, not caring about the rain anymore. I could feel every last fuck I had ever given slowly disappear from existence, only to wash away with the rain once it ended.

  And that was when I decided I would do it.

 I reached my home a few minutes later, slammed the door open and raced to my room. I grabbed a pencil sharpener and unscrewed the blade, bringing it with me to the bathroom. The door locked behind me, and I sat myself down on the cold, tile floor. Without a second thought, I dragged the metal across my wrist, and watched as the blood began to fill the wound and drip onto the floor. I had never felt such release before, and I actually liked it. I knew this was a bad habit to start, but at that moment, I couldn't care less.

 I quickly cleaned my arm, wrapped it in gauze and wiped the tears from my eyes. I retreated to my room and slipped into bed. It was only around six o'clock now, but I didn't want to be awake anymore. With my alarm set, I closed my eyes and awaited the morning, just so I could go to school and face the agonizing pain that is “Kellic”.

 As for hiding my new wounds, I would just slip on a hoodie.

 No one will ever have to know.

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this is kind of a filler because I'm out of ideas at the moment and I felt you guys deserved some sort of update.

sorry it's a shitty one lol. I took my relationship emotions/frustrations out on this oops.

anyway, I just want to thank you all for the votes, and getting this story to 2.5k. you honestly don't know how fucking happy that makes me. I love you guys. <3

don't forget to vote & follow!

~ Cat