Can't go back

7

I tried my hardest to push the events behind me but I just couldn’t stop thinking about it, specifically the part where Sherlock... When he kissed me. He didn’t mean it, that much was obvious. This was Sherlock. Don’t get me wrong, he had feelings, but not like that. Besides, he was bad at expressing his emotions. He probably was just grateful that I saved him and he could breathe.

But I started to wonder what if? I mean, I already cared about him. I was protective of him. That much was obvious to me. But like that? I wasn’t sure. I mean, he was good looking. I had to give him that. Okay, that was an understatement. Sherlock always looked bloody amazing, with his dark hair, his pale skin, those bright and colorful eyes, and those sharp cheekbones. Hell, he could’ve been a male model had he not found things like that too dull and boring. And he was smart. As if that wasn’t obvious right off the back. Sure, he didn’t knowing everything he really should about... well, most things really, but the way he could just look at you and tell always made me smile, even if some of the things he deduced got on my nerves or got us into trouble. I found myself thinking about him more than usual, going back through my memories. I wondered what it would feel like to have those thin arms wrapped around me, if I would enjoy it.

And the full realization hit me. I liked him. I’ve had crushes before, but that wasn’t like this at all. This was so much more intense, as if he was a part of me now. I think... I think I loved him. I wasn’t sure if I was bi or if it was just that Sherlock was different. It didn’t matter. Sherlock didn’t feel the same, so I had no intention of telling him and ruining whatever we had.

"John? ...John?" I felt an arm gently shake my shoulder. "John, are you awake?"

"Well, I wasn’t until somebody decided to wake me up." I let out a big yawn and stretched, propping myself up on an elbow to look at him. He was already dressed and had his shoes, coat, and scarf on ready to go somewhere. "What is it Sherlock? I was sleeping."

A big smile grew on Sherlock’s face and his eyes lit up. He was so excited that he actually seemed to be bouncing up and down a little. "I’ve figured it out!"

I yawned a little more. "That’s great Sherlock. What d'you need me for?"

His face dropped in an instant. "Well, if you don’t want to come I suppose I could..."

"No. No, it’s fine. Just give me a minute." I changed and brushed my teeth and such quick before slipping on a coat.

"Excellent, let’s get going," Sherlock muttered as he lead me outside. We went down to the lake and skirted around the edge until we got to the boat rental shack.

"There should be..." He muttered, running around the shack apparently looking for something. "The stuff should be somewhere around here. The person who took it works at the rental shop. Shouldn’t be too hard to find her, it was obviously a girl, all the thefts occurred in that building, and only a handful of people volunteer here. When we find one we can find the other."

Sherlock rounded the back of the building, eyes narrowing as he followed a trail of faint footprints to the edge of the building. He reached down and brushed his fingers to the ground, grazing over the sand and rocky cement underneath.

"Not buried..." he brought his hand up and guided it over the bricks of the shack, stopping when one wobbled under his touch. Sherlock’s face lit up as he pulled the brick out, and seeing him smile that widely made me instantly smile as well, as if we were linked. He reached in and pulled a number of small trinkets- necklaces mostly, all expensive looking- out from behind the brick.

"Brilliant." I muttered, unable to keep myself from complimenting him. Sherlock’s smile widened at the words but dropped back again as he turned to look at me.

"I suppose you’ll want to deliver this to Mary?" He asked, holding up silver heart-shaped locket as well as an old pair of dog tags. "She said they were her fathers if I recall correctly."

"Yeah," I said, nodding. "I ought to- to get these to her." Sherlock handed me both and I stood up, wiping the sand off my trousers and heading to her building.

I found myself less anxious than earlier to see her. Was it because of my new found feelings for Sherlock? Probably. But that was exactly why I needed to see Mary. She would help me clear my head of all those useless Sherlock-y feelings that I really didn’t want unless they were returned. Which they weren’t.

I climbed the two floors to where Mary had said her room was (Sherlock had asked when interviewing her for information) and knocked lightly on the door. When nobody answered I knocked again, louder this time.

After a moment I heard soft footsteps behind the door and the door opened. Mary stood behind it in a loose t-shirt and fuzzy pajama pants, hair in a mess around her face as she rubbed her eyes. "John? What are you doing here? It’s only seven."

"Sorry," I said, walking into her room. "I just couldn’t wait to tell you."

"Tell me? Tell me what?" she stifled a yawn on the last word before blinking sleepily a few times and looking at me curiously.

"I believe these," I said, pulling the necklaces out of my pocket, "belong to you." I placed them both in her palm and closed her fingers around them. Mary looked in amazement from her hand back to me.

"How- how did you-?"

"Sherlock found them along with several others behind the boat shack. He’s still trying to find who took them, but I thought you would like these as soon as possible."

Mary smiled and reached out to grab my hand and squeeze it. "Thank you. This means a lot to me."

I shrugged. "Yeah, well, I didn’t really do much. It was mostly Sherlock."

Mary shook her head with a smile. "That’s a lie. I’m sure you helped quite a bit. He probably couldn’t do it without you."

I tried to smile back but it fell when I thought about what I had done to help. Sherlock almost drowning was not something I wanted to think about. "Mary, I- um- I wanted to ask you something." I licked my lips nervously and tried to meet her gaze. "I was wondering if you would like- like to-" My words started failing and I stumbled over them a little bit. I felt myself blush, frustrated I couldn’t even get out the simple words.

"I would love to go out with you John. If, of course, that was what you were asking."

I grinned and Mary smiled back. Ducking my head down just slightly, I placed my mouth against hers. My thoughts instantly fled at the contact and all I could concentrate was the feeling of lips on lips. Slowly, as if our minds were linked, we both drew back at the same time to look at each other.

"That- um- that was nice," I mumbled, and then realized how lame that sounded. Still, Mary looked happy enough.

"Yes. It was, wasn’t it? Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to go back to sleep so..." Mary swept me out of the room, leaving me a blur of emotions and confusion.