A Twenty Øne Piløts Fanfic

Jenna

Told from Jenna's point of view. Please don't hate me. ALSO PLEASE BE VERY CAREFUL WHILE READING THIS CHAPTER THERE IS CYBER BULLYING AND MANY OTHER THINGS THAT MIGHT TRIGGER SOMEONE!

I looked around the room and sighed. I didn't want to do anything besides sleep, and that was a feeling that I hated. I walked towards the bed and took a seat. Tyler had left the house with Josh to go work on a new song, to give me some peace. I wished they had stayed to work on the song, because at that moment I had needed something to take my head off of everything that had been happening in the past week.

I looked over at the open bathroom door. It was halfway open and I smiled to myself. Tyler has forgotten to close the bathroom door again. I got up and walked into the bathroom to see that there were several coffee cups and plates in the sink. They were soaking in soapy water and I laughed to myself. "Because a kitchen sink to you, is not a kitchen sink to me." I whispered to myself.

I took the cups and plates out of the water and drained the sink, smiling to myself. I carried the few cups and plates to the kitchen and put them in the kitchen sink. I looked at the left side of the sink and noticed that there were three toothbrushes and two tubes of toothpaste. I shook my head a picked them up.

I walked towards Josh's room and into his bathroom. I shook my head at how most of the room was a mess, except for his drum kit corner. I placed his toothbrush and his toothpaste on his counter and grabbed a coffee cup filled with soapy water from the sink. I then maneuvered my way out of his room and walked down the hallway, back into the kitchen. I placed the cup in the sink and went and put the other two toothbrushes away.

I pulled out my phone and logged back onto to Instagram, despite Tyler telling me not to go on anymore. I scrolled through my feed, smiling at photos that Tyler and Josh had posted, along with family members. I had millions of different notifications, and I told myself I wouldn't click on them. I told myself that if I could hold back from looking at them, then maybe Tyler would believe I could handle going on Instagram again.

But I couldn't help myself. I clicked on the little heart icon and I clicked on my first notification. It was the same picture I had posted about a week ago, the night Tyler and I had gone out with Tyler and Denny, that popped up. I shuddered, but still scrolled down to the comments.

Kill yourself

Why did Tyler marry you?

Guys I think we actually got her to kill herself!

Jenna you are beautiful, Jenna you are mom.

Ugly hoe

Who even is this? Right, someone who married for the money.

The more I read the worse they got. One person kept commenting that I was beautiful, that I was mom, but the comment didn't lift my spirits like it did the first time I saw it. I just stared at the "Kill yourself" Comments, not the ones written in small print, but the ones in all caps. Out of all the fans, only one liked me?

What was I doing wrong? How could I fix myself? Why wasn't I good enough for them? Should I do it like they wanted me to? Thoughts kept racing through my mind, I could barely feel the tears that were falling down my face. And even when I did, I didn't care. I wasn't what anyone wanted. At that point, I was pretty sure I wasn't even what Tyler wanted.

I turned and walked out of the bathroom, having forgotten that I was still in there. I walked through the clean bedroom, I stared at all the picture of Josh and Tyler, of Tyler and me, and then I kept walking. I walked down the white hallway, and into the kitchen. I placed my phone on the counter and took a deep breath. I swung open a drawer.

Kill yourself Jenna!

The comments ran through my mind, swirling around as if there was no escape. I looked over on the counter, a little farther down from me were Tyler's elbow pads, the ones he wanted me to return. I took another deep breath and looked down at the drawer. The drawer full of knifes. I picked one up and slowly closed the drawer.

I walked away from the counter, phone in hand, and sat down at the table. I took a deep breath. I slowly put the knife to my wrist when I heard the door open. I blocked out the surrounding noises and slowly drew a line in my skin using the knife. I heard a "JENNA", but I couldn't tell who it came from. Hands grabbed my shoulders, as I repositioned knife. I felt someone shake me and then another scream.

"GET HIM OUT OF HERE!" The person, possibly the one behind me, yelled to someone else. I started again, but this time I felt my arm yanked upwards, the knife flew out of my grasp, clattering against the floor. I watched as it hit the floor, still in a trance, tears still following down my face. I looked towards the person who yanked my arm into the air and sent the knife flying.

Josh was on his knees next to me, worry in his eyes. I looked at him, not fully aware of what had just happened. He looked over at my wrist and closed his eyes. I watched as he looked up at the ceiling and covered his face with his hands. "Jenna what did you do?" He asked, I could hear his voice wavering. I looked over at my wrist too, and for the first time it hit me what I was doing.

"I'm not even sure, Josh, I'm not even sure. I just want it to be over." I confessed, looking at the floor. I watched as Josh moved around, so he could sit on the floor instead of kneel. "Want what to end?" He asked me. I lifted my head up and looked in his eyes. He looked scared, hurt, worried. I did that, it was me. I reached for my phone. "This." I whispered, handing him the phone.

Heels clacking in the title floor caused Josh and me to turn our heads. Denny walked in and held a rag towards me. "Put some pressure on it to help stop the bleeding." She said, looking fragile too. I nodded and took the rag from her. I could hear Tyler screaming from far away and I realized he had been the second person I had heard. Josh went back to reading the comments on my phone, tears running down his face.

"I'm sorry Josh." I whispered. Josh looked up at me and shook his head. He reached up and put the phone on the table. "Just don't do it again." He sighed, looking exhausted. He got up and picked up the knife off the floor. I watched as he walked out of the room, with the knife in his hand, leaving me alone.

*****************

I got up and walked into the living room, where Tyler sat surrounded by Denny and Josh. I had sat alone for what seemed like forever, but according to the clock was only 20 minutes. I had shaved my phone in my jean pocket and walked out, wanting to check on Tyler. Tyler turned around and he looked me up and down. Josh turned and when he saw me he tapped on Denny. I waited until they left the room to walk up to Tyler.

I took a seat next to him and I saw he had just gotten done crying. "Why did you go back on?" He asked, his voice cracking. I took a deep breath, his voice hurt. I could feel his worry, his sadness, his anger, his every emotion in them. "I thought I would be able to stop myself from looking at my notifications." Tyler shook his head and looked down. "But you couldn't." He finished. I nodded.

"Jenna, I don't know what I'm supposed to do without you. Walking in the see Josh shaking you, walking in to see any of that just scared me. It hurts me to know you are hurting and I can't do anything about it. That's not me saying you shouldn't tell me, because you should. It's that when you hide it from me I can't try to make you smile, because sometimes you are just so convincing. Jenna, it sucks to be where you are. I've been some place similar, but not the same exact place, but somewhere like it. We need to work together. I'm doing what I can, and I need you to tell me everything so I can do better. I love you Jenna, I'm scared of losing you. You are one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Please don't ever think you are alone in this, this affects not one of us, but all of us." Tyler said, tears falling down his face.

He took my arm and flipped it over. "You might have not have cut very deep on this one, but what if Josh and I hadn't came home when we did? What if you cut deeper? What if Josh hadn't been able to stop you? Jenna I can't live without you. I can't go through life knowing you aren't alright or that if I'm not here with you every minute you might not be in the next second. Jenna, please stay alive, stay alive for me." Tyler looked into my eyes. Both of our eyes were filled with tears. I felt his pain in that moment, I knew he meant every word he said. "Jenna, I love you." He whispered.