A Twenty Øne Piløts Fanfic

Jenna and Tyler's Secret

This chapter is told from Jenna's point of view.

I turned on the sink and dipped my hands in the cool water, wetting them before putting on some soap. I scrubbed at my hands for what felt like forever, trying to get them clean. Lately, I had been feeling like I was unclean, like I had rolled in mud for x amount of hours only to roll around in trash for the same amount of hours, and that there was no way to get clean. I looked in the mirror and stared into my own eyes. I had a painful headache and with the water running on my hands, it had calmed down a little bit.

I slowly shut of the water and dried my hands. I took about 2 minutes to dry my hands, making sure they were fully dry. I didn't have much else to do, so I figured I might as well take my sweet time. There was a loud knock on the door as I started to reach for the knob. Right, I had forgotten Tyler was still worried. I opened the door and noticed as he let out a deep breath. I felt guilty for taking so long once he let out that breath.

"Sorry." I whispered, looking at the ground. I felt Tyler's arms wrap around me. "It's okay, I was just worried." He said, not letting go. I hugged him back, tightly. It was warm in his embrace, welcoming. When he pulled apart from me, I could tell that he felt better than when I had first opened the bathroom door. "Why was the water on for so long?" He asked, looking at me, not moving, as if another touch from him would break me.

But it was right then that I wish he would reach out for my hand and hold them within his own. "I just felt unclean." I said. Tyler nodded. "Okay, I have to go. I love you Jenna." Tyler gave me a quick kiss before turning to leave. "I love you too." I whispered to him, as he rushed out of the room, most likely running late to record a new song.

I walked out of the bedroom and into the hall. I paused outside of a door to an empty room. I looked over at the door, before sighing and going in. The room was not as empty as the term "empty" room typically meant. The room actually sported soft blue walls, a crib, a rocking chair, just about anything you would want or need if you were going to have a baby.

The reason the room was considered empty was because no one had ever lived in it. There had been plans for someone to live in the room, or at least sleep in the room, but those plans had fallen through. And I don't mean they had fallen through by "the adoption papers didn't go through", no a whole different kind of falling through. I walked up to the crib and dried a tear that fell from my eye.

Even through none of Tyler and Josh's fans knew about it, I did, and so did Tyler and Josh. The whole room reminded me of the child that I hadn't even met, the one that I had miscarried. I looked down at the rubber band on my wrist. "I wonder if I would be where I am today if the miscarriage hadn't happened." I whispered to myself. I looked at the bookcase that had been filled with stuffed animals and I felt my heart being ripped out.

One of the happiest days of my life had been learning that I was pregnant, but here I was, standing in a room without that child. I was standing in a reminder of something that wasn't. I walked out of the room, and restrained myself from slamming the door shut. It took everything I had not to slam that door. All of the old emotions I was feeling, were starting to become mixed with my newer ones. I ran into the kitchen and went for the cupboard under the sink.

I grabbed a few of the boxes that were stored under there and headed back to the "empty" room. My mind was a mess. I no longer felt the headache, I was feeling emotions so powerful that I couldn't feel anything but them. I started throwing stuffed animals into boxes. I threw blankets into boxes, not fully understanding what I was doing.

I screamed a few times, venting my feelings, the ones that I couldn't show through throwing the baby's things into boxes. A few times I came close to running and grabbing a knife, but I fought the urge by doing what Tyler had told me. I used the rubber band instead. I looked around the room, pausing for a second and I noticed that there were paintings of animals hanging up. I went into the kitchen and got another box.

Before I knew it, I was angrily packing the pictures away, wrapping them in the blankets that I had already thrown into a box. I ran to the crib and started taking out the stuffed animals that had been placed in there. I felt like ripping them apart, but I placed them on the ground and let out another scream instead. There was a knock on the door and Tyler peeked his head in.

"Next time you are coming with me." He said, walking over stuffed animals, pillows, and blankets that were scattered all over the floor. He sat down next to me, leaned up against the wall. "Why here?" He asked, reaching for a hand. I placed a hand in his open one. "It was right there. It was closer than anything else, safer than my phone." I admitted, hanging my head. I peaked an eye out to look at Tyler.

He was looking around the room and he had a small smile on his face. "I know it still hurts Jenna, it hurts for me too. When you are ready, we can always try again. But until then, we have to stay out of here. We can redo this room when it's time, but now is not the time." Tyler said, his voice hushed. I nodded. I noticed Tyler was crying. He wiped away a tear and then turned to look at me.

Before he could speak Josh had walked into the room. He walked over to my other side and took a seat. "I can clean this up. I can put it back where it was, I can give it away to Goodwill, it's your choice." He said, looking at the wall. "I don't want to do anything with it right now." I whispered. Josh nodded. "It's your guys' choice, and I respect that." He said before getting up and walking out.