Bed of Roses - Finished

Chapter 7- Unlovable

It has been 12 days since I have eaten anything, I have lost 19 pounds. But even now when I look in the mirror I look terrible, maybe I always have, but I just believed Nick when he told me I was beautiful. I have always been ugly; no one could ever love me. I don’t deserve their love, I am worthless. Ugh, I felt like pulling my hair out! I hate myself, no wonder everyone else does.  I felt like screaming, and throwing something! I can’t stand this! I am sick of trying; I will never be good enough, for anyone… I am unlovable, and I always will be. I can’t stand it anymore; I am done with all of this!

I walked over to my desk and got a piece of paper and started writing a letter.

*****

Dear Nick,

I know we haven’t talked for a while, but I needed to write you this letter. I am sorry that I ever weighed you down, and I am sorry that you had to waste half you high school life on me. I am also sorry that I still can’t get over how much I miss you, and I know you would never feel this way back, but you will always have a place in my heart, because I love you. I know that I was annoying and a bother to you, and I just wish you could have told me yourself, instead of Trish having to tell me. But I understand why you were so angry with me, she is your girlfriend and she knew how you felt, and I should have just listened. Also, I know why you told me not to talk to Anthony and that you didn’t want me to be friends with your friends, but I should have listened to you anyway. I should have known, that he would never like me, and neither would you. I am ugly and a loser, but I am happy that you have better friends now. And please do not feel bad for any of this, I had to get it off my chest, and I had to apologize, it is not your fault. I know what needs to be done, and I am happy that I got to know you for those years that we were friends.

I love you forever,

Abby

*****

I had tears streaming down my face, but I had to do this, I had to make my parents and Nick happy, and now I wouldn’t be a bother to either of them ever again. I put the letter into an envelope and sealed it, then I wrote Nicks name on the front. I had to make sure this got to him. I put on a pair of shoes, I still had my pajamas on, and so I put on a hoodie and walked to the front door. I was dizzy and tired, but I just had to get this to him before anything else. I walked out the front door and across the lawn to Nicks house. I walked to the door and knocked twice it was pretty chilly out, so I pulled my hood up. A couple seconds later Nicks dad, Paul, answered the door. “Oh, hi Abby, I haven’t seen you in a while,” he said with that fatherly charm that almost made me want to smile. “Hi Paul, I was wondering if you could give this to Nick,” I said as I handed him the letter. “Oh, sure, he is home right now if you want to give it to him yourself.” “No, it is fine, could you just make sure that he gets it please.” “Ok, well I hope to see you again soon,” he said with a large smile, so I gave him a half smile back and walked back to my house.

When I got to my house I walked straight to my room and sat on my bed. I sat there for a minute, and then I grabbed the aspirin that they gave me at the hospital off the night stand and my water and took them, I still had about 15 left. Then I lay down and decided I might as well go to sleep.

***

*NICK’S POV*

I heard someone knock on the door but I was doing homework, so one of my parents can get it. I really hope it’s not Trish she has been annoying me more and more lately. She prances around as if she is the princess. It’s probably just the UPS people. I wish it was Abby though, not that she would come over here, because our friendship is over. I kind of blame myself for the end of our friend ship, but she was really mean to Trish. And Trish was about cry, I had never seen Abby so mean before. But she just blew up at Trish and Trish told me that all she did was tell her how happy we were together and then Abby did that.  And I would have believed her, but then she asked me how much I heard of what she said, I was even more shocked. And then she wouldn’t even apologize to her, and then I was going to give her a few days to cool off and see if she could tell me what was wrong, but then some of my friends heard that she was talking bad about me and saying how happy she was that we didn’t talk anymore. So she got over our friendship pretty fast.

I got up from my desk, grabbed my phone and shoved it in my pocket and walked into the kitchen and saw my dad standing there waiting for the coffee machine to finish making the coffee. “Hey dad, who was at the door?” “Oh yeah, it was Abby, and she told me to give you this,” I was shocked, Abby was here and he didn’t come and get me. He handed me an envelope with my name on it. “Thanks,” I grabbed the letter and walked to my room.

I sat on my bed and opened the letter I was really nervous. I pulled out the paper that had Abby’s hand writing and read it. I shoved the letter in my pocket and jumped off my bed and ran to the front door, I heard my dad calling after me asking what was wrong but I kept going I had to hurry. Maybe she hadn’t done anything yet; it had been about 20 minutes since she was here. Maybe she didn’t do it, maybe she changed her mind. I got to her front door and it was unlocked. I opened it and ran straight to her room, and I could hear my dad following behind me. I opened her bedroom door and saw her lying on her bed. She looked so fragile, and broken. I ran to her bed side and tried to feel for a pulse, I could feel her pulse, but it wasn’t very fast. I saw a pill bottle lying on the bed next to her. “Dad, I think she took these pills!” I could hear my dad on the phone; he was calling for an ambulance. I felt like I couldn’t even think straight.

I could hear the ambulance coming, but I couldn’t even think. I just stood there looking at her; she looked so broken and tiny. I felt something wet on my face and realized I was crying. I felt someone move me away from Abby and that snapped me out of my head, the paramedics where here and they were getting her on a stretcher. I followed after them, I wanted to ride with her in the ambulance, but they wouldn’t let me. Within seconds they left, I jumped in my car and followed them. I followed them all the way to the hospital and we got there in minutes. Once we got there I had to park my car and I parked in the first spot I saw. I got out and ran in to the emergency room. I ran up to the nurse station and asked about Abby. She told me that they were taking her to a room and were going to pump her stomach. I sat in the waiting room and after a few minutes my dad was here. We sat there for about 2 hours before someone came out and told us we could go see her. I got out of the chair and walked in to her room, she was sleeping. I felt tears come to my eyes again how could this happen, it’s entirely my fault. I was really confused about the letter and I guess it’s mostly my fault for ever dating Trish. The only reason I started dating her was because I knew I would never have a chance with Abby, she told my mom that she would never date me, and that cut right through my heart. I was in love with her, but she didn’t feel it back, but then in the letter she said that she did. She said a lot of weird stuff in the letter. Like what did she mean about the whole me telling Trish how I felt, I have never really talked about how I felt about anything with Trish. I was so confused with all of this, I remembered that I shoved the note in my pocket and I pulled it out and re-read it.

It made we want to cry when she said all these bad things about herself, as if she actually believed them. Who could ever think of Abby as a waste of time, or annoying, that is just crazy. And I didn’t know she ever talked to Anthony, if he hurt her, I am going to kill him. All I could think was how could anyone want to hurt this beautiful girl. But I did, it’s my fault she is here. I looked at her again, she was so skinny, and it worried me, what happened to her, she always had the perfect body, she wasn’t skinny, she was just perfect. And I looked at her casted arm and leg, how did she get those? My mom had said that she wasn’t going to be coming to school anymore because it would be easier for her, but I didn’t know that she had broken her arm and leg.

A sat in the chair next to her bed for about 30 minutes before a doctor came in. “hello, are you family?” he asked me. “Um, no, I am her best friend, and her family is not in town right now.” “Ok, well we had to pump her stomach because of her over dose. She is very lucky to still be alive, but it also seems that she hasn’t been eating. Do you know anything about that?” “No, I don’t.” “Ok, well we will have to keep her for a while and she will have to talk psych evaluator.” “Ok, is it ok if I stay with her,” I asked him, I could feel tears coming to my eyes again. He looked at me and then he looked at her and I saw a look of sympathy cross his face. “I guess that should be fine,” he said and then he gave me a small smile and left the room. I really hope that she will be ok again, and that I will get the chance to tell her that I love her.

A/N **song on the side is if I die young- the band Perry**

Ok, so this is chapter 7, I don’t know if I will do Nicks POV again, but I had to do it for this chapter.  Poor Abby, and poor Nick. But Abby at least has Nick again; I want to know who is happy with that and who isn’t.  Ok, please VOTE< COMMENT< FAN< and I will be a happy lady . Also if there is any mistakes in any of my chapters can you let me know so that I can fix them, thank you all.

LOL (lots of love, not laugh out loud) JaMiE LeE! >.<  (aka, jbn172) <3