Bed of Roses - Finished

Chapter 8- Feelings

*ABIGAIL’S POV*

I felt like I had been hit by a bus, figuratively of course. I don’t even know what it is like to be hit with a bus, but it probably feels way worse than I am feeling. But I didn’t feel good, my whole body hurt, especially my head and stomach. I blinked my eyes, and looked around me. I realized pretty quickly that I was in the hospital, and I didn’t know whether to be relieved or upset. My question was how did I get here anyway? I remember giving the letter to nicks dad and then going home and going to sleep, and nick wouldn’t have done that… would he? Well, maybe he did, but he probably only did it so I wouldn’t die, not because he wanted to be my friend. I looked around the room again and it was empty, of course he wouldn’t want to be my friend again. Now I am not only a loser, I am a loser who tried to kill herself. I could feel start to well up in my eyes, and my chest hurt, I hate these feelings. My heart hurts so much, I turned onto my side and curled up, not long after I was crying, and I couldn’t stop. I just had so many feelings, all the time, and I thought I was done having so many feelings, I thought I was done feeling anything. My head hurt a lot worse now, I had a major head ache. I heard the door open, but I didn’t want to look up, I knew it was probably a nurse who probably thought I was a crazy person. “Abby! What’s wrong?” I heard his voice and something in me stopped, he sounded so concerned and caring. I couldn’t turn to look because know I know I am dreaming, I am still in my bed at home, and this is my last dream. I felt him come up in front of me and I buried my head deeper into the pillow I had, I couldn’t look at him if I did he would probably disappear. I felt his hand touch my hair, I have never had a dream so real before, by now my sobbing had died down. “Abby, are you ok? Come on, look at me.” he sounded sad. I slowly picked my head up off of my pillow, and looked towards Nick; he looks the same, well except he looks more tired than usual. He also looked sad, and I didn’t understand why, it can’t be because of my unless it is that he is sad I caused him a problem. “I’m fine,” I said quietly, and I was surprised he even heard me. He gave me a small smile, but within seconds it was gone, “I’m sorry Abby, I am so sorry that I hurt you.” He looked so sad. “What, why are you sorry?” I was confused, he didn’t do anything! “I’m sorry for leaving you, I care about you so much and I… I’m just really sorry for everything.” I couldn’t believe it, he actually missed me, but maybe he didn’t, maybe he was just feeling sorry for me again. I looked at him and I almost questioned him, but I just couldn’t, I wanted to believe him so bad. “It’s not your fault, any of it.” I hated seeing him sad, he didn’t do anything, if anyone did, it was me. “Abby, you tried to kill yourself! It is my fault I left you, and I am so sorry for that, I never wanted to hurt you. Please Abby forgive me.” I could see tears in his eyes while he said this and it made me want to cry. “Of course I forgive you,” all I could think was how he didn’t do anything to have to ask for forgiveness. His eyes seemed to light up more and he looked more like his usual self again. He leaned down and hugged me into his warm arms and I felt so at home and happy. At this moment I forgot where I was and all the terrible things that have happened lately. I just felt at home and happy and I couldn’t help but have a smile on my face because I had my best friend back, and I had missed him so much. He pulled away and smiled at me, he grabbed a chair and pulled it right next to my bed and sat down. He looked like he was about to say something, but my phone started ringing.

 I looked at the night stand, and there was my phone, nick must have got it for me. I looked at it and it was my mom. I picked it up and I was nervous, why was she calling me, what if she knows what happened and she hates me. I answered the phone and held it up to my ear, “hello.” “Abigail! I just got a call from the hospital and they said that something happened and you are back in there. Did you fall again?” “Um I am back in the hospital, but I am fine now, don’t worry.” While I was talking to my mom the doctor walked in, “um, mom the doctor just came in I have to go, but I will talk to you later.” “Ok honey I am glad you are ok.” “Thanks mom, bye.” “Bye sweetie.”  I looked over at the doctor and he gave me a small smile. “Hello Abigail, how are you feeling today?” “I am ok,” he probably thinks I’m crazy, and I am wasting all his time. “Well that’s good; I need to ask you some more questions that might be a little personal. Would you like your friend to leave?” “No! I um mean… its fine if he stays if he wants to.” I looked over at nick and he gave me a reassuring smile and said that he would stay. “Ok,” the doctor looked at me and gave a smile, “let’s get started.” “Ok,” I was nervous. “So when did you start having bad thoughts of hurting yourself?” wow, this doctor just jumps right into it. “I don’t… I don’t know, maybe about a week or 2 ago…” I didn’t want to look at either of them, I knew what they were thinking, and they thought I was crazy. “And what happened that started these thoughts?” now I really didn’t want to tell him this, I couldn’t, what was I going to say ‘I started having these thoughts when a boy stopped talking to me’, that sounds so stupid! I could feel tears fill my eyes and I felt some start to fall, this is so embarrassing…  I felt Nick grab my hand, and I looked towards him, “Abby, what happened 2 weeks ago?” he asked as he rubbed the back of my hand. I really didn’t want to tell him, but I couldn’t say no to him. “2 weeks ago, Anthony had stopped talking to me, and the only reason he talked to me to begin with was because he was dared to. And then my mom and dad were out of town and I knew they weren’t coming back for a while, and then I had lost you… I just couldn’t stand it anymore.” I was really crying now, I didn’t mean to say all that, but I felt somewhat better after I said all that.” “Abby, you will never lose me, I’m not leaving you ever again.” I looked into his eyes and I knew he meant it, my heart felt weird, in a good way. I felt whole again. “Ok, well we are going to give you some medicine, you will have to stay here for a few days, and after a couple days we will talk about you going home.” I had forgotten the doctor was even in the room. Well this is awkward…  I thanked the doctor and he left my room, then I grabbed a tissue from the night stand and wiped my face. I looked back over a Nick and he gave me a look that I knew, we were about to have a talk.