Diary of the Lady M of Gisborne

Widow Gisborne

  Widow Gisborne?! What does he mean? Stunned. Stricken. Sicken. Going mad I ran down the streets of York after the holy man to find out what he could have meant by calling me the Widow Gisborne. But I did not get far for there was a band of steel tightening around my waist and holding on to me. This made no matter to me for I screamed, cried and kicked, like the mad woman I was, making a complete fool of myself and not caring for I wanted to get away from this band of steel and run after the holy man to have my answers. It is when I was trying to scratch and bite at whoever or whatever had me that I heard the whisper in my ear telling me to calm down as I was picked up yelling and kicking and returned to Brigid and our house.

  I was carried into the house and put into the chair that had once been occupied by the holy man that shared our meal and hearth. The dying fire was stoked as I kept crying out trying to free myself from the steel bands that encased me and kept me in the chair. Through all of this I also felt my hair being smoothed with a hand and gentle kisses on my head.

  After a passage of time I began to calm. Blinking it was then that I saw who had trapped me. Archer. He was the one who had followed me onto the street and picked me up as I went mad and brought me into my house and sat me in the chair. Keeping me there with his arms of steel while Brigid soothed me as she did when I was a girl.

  Only when Archer was satisfied that I had calmed enough to be trusted to stay where I was did he remove his arms and hands from and sit on the stool that was by my feet. Holding my hand while Brigid clucked over me like a mother hen finding her lost chick while making a mug of warm cider for me, is when the questions started.

  What was said to me by the holy man to make me run after him like a mad woman?

  I shook my head in a refusal of answer.

  Then Brigid asked of me the same question.

  Again I shook my head in refusal but she looked at me until I had no other choice than to answer. The answer that has brought me unending heartache.

  With Archer there my answer was slow in coming for  to me. He did not know of my true identity as Lady Gisborne, for he had never asked me but had always called me My Lady.Casting my eyes to Brigid I reluctantly told the tale of how the holy man said he knew of my identity and I not of his. That I was no longer Lady Gisborne but Widow Gisborne.

  Having finished my tale Archer, in presumed shock, stood from the stool and with a straight back and a deafening silence went out my door. Slamming it shut in his silent wake. I did not mean to cause him hurt. A part of me thought that he may have known the truth but he did not. *Sighs* I suppose most, if not all, of York know not who I truly am for I have always kept to myself except for the market and worship.

  With the departure of Archer I began to shake and completely break down and cry in front of Brigid. I cried for Guy, my one love and for truly losing him. I cried for Archer and the loss friendship. I cried at being exiled. I cried for wanting to damn the holy man and his news. I cried to cry. Through my latest storm Brigid held and rocked me as if I where again a girl.

  Brigid's soothing eased some of my tears and grieve but only to replace them with a new fear. Without Guy as my husband and protector, such as he was, what is to truly become of me. I now as a friend archer could have gave me some protection but not as much as afforded to by a husband. The only other option is a convent. That is a place I never wish to enter. My options are limited for though I could travel it is not safe,even with a companion, for a woman to do so alone.

  I do not know what I will do. I am too shocked and hurt to move from where I sit. I truly do  not know. Maybe....maybe I will return to Nottingham to be close to Guy. Or at least as close as I can be to him. Then again, my life may be in danger there because of Vaisey. The sheriff never did like me and the time Guy spent with me, especially when we were newly married. Vaisey in all likelihood jealous and blames me for Guy's death. So no, staying in Nottingham is not an option for me. But I will find Guy's place of burial and spend some time with him before travelling to some other place. I wish I knew where I could go in this world with my reluctant new name...the Widow Gisborne.