Beautiful Scars

Discovering Fear

For a moment, Ally wondered what on earth she should do now. What if they were expecting her to leave? Her eye caught on the open bathroom door and she exhaled a sigh of relief. Of course, she realized.

She slipped into the bathroom and began to undress. Turning on the hot water, she tried not to look at her body. The cuts and bruises made her almost unrecognizable to even herself. In a rush now to escape the grime that part of her had assumed would never leave, she stepped into the shower.

The water cascaded onto her head, immediately soaking her hair. It burned where it touched her injuries, but Ally made no move to stop it. It felt so good. So good to only have a bit of physical pain, a sting on her body, to worry about rather than the terrors that were only beginning to fade in her brain.

She did not wait there too long. She was anxious to feel clean. Hastily, she picked up the bar of soap and began to scrub her body. Again, the burn of the cuts flashed through her, forcing her to move slower. Still, she did not stop her efforts until she was satisfied all the dirt and dried blood had vanished down the drain.

After that was done, she set to work on her hair. Pausing only to briefly examine her filthy, mud-caked nails, she picked up the hotel's cheap shampoo and squirted a rather large amount onto her palm. She pulled her dark hair over her shoulder and lathered in the shampoo. Her hair was a tangled mass, but with the shampoo and conditioner's help Ally was eventually able to return it to its usual smoothness. With a few last seconds under the comforting warm water, Ally turned off the shower and stepped out, wrapping herself in a white towel.

It seemed much quieter without the noise of the running water. She could hear the murmur of Louis and Eleanor's voices coming from the room next door. Ally sat on the toilet to collect herself. Her head fell back and she closed her eyes. The water trickled through her hair and down her body. Her mind was quiet. She was trying her best not to over-think anything which was something she usually had trouble doing. But now, with the steam still thick in the warm bathroom, it was not so hard. She was clean, she was with people who cared about her, she was alive. Her constant breathing, the rise and fall of her chest, her steady heart beats: it was a remarkable thing, to be alive. To Ally, it seemed this was the first time she realized it.

Eleanor's laughter rang out, awakening Ally out of her dreamlike state. She stood up and carefully rubbed herself dry. She pulled on her bra and the same t-shirt she had borrowed from Louis. Instead of the boxers, she switched back into her jeans. They were dirty and ripped, but still wearable. Spying a comb on the bathroom counter, she picked it up. She assumed it was Louis' and took a second to wonder if he would mind. She had used his clothes and his food and his room. What if he got annoyed? But, the second passed and Ally chided herself not to over-think it. She drew the comb threw her hair, fully untangling it. Finally ready, she stepped out of the bathroom.

The bedroom door was still closed. Not sure what else to do, Ally wandered into the kitchen. Spotting her phone on the counter, she quickly checked for messages.

She saw a missed call from Emily. Her stomach tightened as she saw that it was from two hours ago. Guilt flooding through her, Ally hit the button to call her back.

Emily picked up on the first ring.

"Hello? Ally?" Her voice came through rushed and frantic, causing Ally to cringe inwardly.

"Yes, Emily. It's me."

"Ally! Oh my goodness, where are you?" Ally had never actually heard Emily angry before and fortunately she did not seem to be angry now. Just confused and worried.

"I told you last night." Ally tried her best to sound innocent and oblivious. "I met up with my friend from school and stayed the night at her hotel. With her mom, of course. We were not alone. I'm sorry if I made you worry. I misplaced my phone and could not find it until now."