The Artist and His Muse

Chapter 41

Jungkook waited at the door of the apartment.  Yeon Ah asked him to wait and that's what he was trying his best to do.  All he wanted to do was talk to her, beg for her forgiveness, and remind her that he loved her.  That's all.  The longer he waited, the more his nerves acted up. 

Finally, he heard the doorknob click and the keypad chime.  The door opened slowly and soon he saw a beautiful woman standing in front of him.  He felt a sudden increase in his nervousness.  He cleared his throat and tried to be cool. 

"May I come in?"  He watched as she nodded, stepping aside so he could enter.  He had to work to keep his arms from wrapping themselves around her right then and there.  His heart and body were screaming for him to just hold her close.  But his mind knew it wasn't the right moment.  He kicked his shoes off and walked into his friend's apartment. 

He hadn't slept much last night.  Since finding out Taehyung and Jenna were leaving that morning, he had waited as long as was proper before contacting Yeon Ah.  He couldn't imagine letting the day go by and trying to wait to speak with her.  It would have driven him mad. 

He walked into the living room and glanced back over his shoulder at the nervous young woman following him at a respectable distance. 

"Please, have a seat and make yourself comfortable," she said softly.  "May I get you anything to drink?  I don't know how to make coffee so I'm afraid I can only offer you water or juice."

"Maybe just some water, please?" From the moment he had seen her, his mouth had practically been a desert.  He sat down on the end of the couch and wiped his palms on his jeans.  When she returned with a glass of water, he took it from her and thanked her, afterwards taking a long drink from the glass.  He set the glass down on the coffee table and an awkward silence fell on the couple.

"Look-"

"Jungkook-"

Both of them stopped and smiled nervously.  "You first," he whispered.  He focused his attention squarely on her, determined to hear everything she did and did not say. 

Yeon Ah swallowed and took a deep breath.  "After you took me away from my house in Busan that day, I realized I had some problems I needed help with.  I didn't really want to be around crowds of people.  Talking to anyone except you, my father, or Eun Mi was way too difficult.  I want to be a well and happy person again.  I knew I could not do all that on my own so I sought some help and that's how I ended up seeing Dr. Choi." 

She paused and bit her bottom lip as she thought carefully about her next words.  "When you said that you loved me, I became nervous.  It's true I have feelings for you, but you are in a totally different world from me.  I'm just a nobody, Jungkook.  You're the beloved maknae of BTS.  I don't doubt that you love me, especially after your gift to me, but I don't think you understand what you'd be getting into if you got involved with me.  I'm broken.  I'm fragile.  I don't like the spotlight.  All of those things will be a hinderance to you and your career.   When I sought out Dr. Choi, my goal was to get better.  To be happy again.  To get my life back.  If I were to respond to your feelings, I wanted to do it as a whole, well person."  She kept her head down as she spoke and tears were steadily dripping off her downcast cheeks.  "Jungkook, I...I'm getting better but I'm still afraid.  I still see him in my nightmares.  I'm afraid I won't ever forget him or what happened to me.  I just don't want all of my issues to cast a shadow on your bright future.  I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was going to therapy but I didn't want to worry you or make you feel like you had to help me.  I wanted to do this on my own."  She took a deep ragged breath and finally looked up into his eyes.  "I could never go to another man and have a relationship.  It's not possible because there's no room for anyone else in my heart.  You are all I have room for.  I know this sounds cheesy-" Her words were cut off as a pair of hands slowly encompassed her face.