SCREWY PARENT SQUAD
REYNOLDS
What's up, fuckers?
FOSTER
Why are you texting us, Ry?
Blake and I are literally in the
same room as you.
REYNOLDS
But Sebastian isn't, and I miss him.
I'm sick of being stuck in the middle
of this estrogen-filled shitstorm. Theo
is literally the only male I've been around
for the last month and he's only five, so
he lacks the testosterone needed to help me
through my days.
STAN
He's almost six.
LIVELY
He will be next month. But there's a
birthday this month that needs to be
discussed.
REYNOLDS
This birthday is tomorrow, in fact.
STAN
And whose birthday might that be?
FOSTER
Yours, stupid.
STAN
Oh shit.
LIVELY
Please don't tell us you actually forgot
your birthday, Sebastian.
STAN
Okay, I didn't forget my birthday.
FOSTER
Liar.
REYNOLDS
How could you forget your own
fucking birthday, Stan?
STAN
What's the use in remembering your
birthday when you don't have your
family to spend it with? Besides,
turning 41 isn't really that big of a deal.
REYNOLDS
Of course it's a big deal! You're
Sebastian Stan, which means you
get better looking with age. Our
sweet Reyna is sippin' on some fine
wine, my friend.
FOSTER
I haven't been for the last month or so.
LIVELY
Why, are you pregnant?
STAN
Someone clearly didn't understand the
reference.
REYNOLDS
You're smart when you want to be, Blake.
STAN
But just to make sure, you're not pregnant
are you, Reyna?
FOSTER
I might be.
STAN
What...
REYNOLDS
You dumb ass bitch.
LIVELY
Way to tell someone.
FOSTER
I'm not fucking pregnant. My sex life
is dead, so yeah.
STAN
Yeah, so is mine.
REYNOLDS
Reyna, yours doesn't have to be.
LIVELY
What are you insinuating, Ryan?
REYNOLDS
You know exactly what I'm insinuating,
my dear Blake. Nine letters, three people,
one damn good night.
FOSTER
Oh, god
STAN
Yeah, that's never happening.
REYNOLDS
It might have already happened. You'll
never know, because you've been busy
fonduing with that ketchup loving sloth.
LIVELY
What is your problem with Leigh?
REYNOLDS
I don't have a problem with her. She's
one of the coolest people I've ever met,
but I could never trust her. Damn ketchup
and eggs. Disgusting ass.
FOSTER
Y'know, there are some things that could
be left unsaid
REYNOLDS
Oh, I'm sorry. I'll stop talking about
her peculiar ketchup fetish if you'd like
me to.
STAN
I think she's talking about the whole
me and Leighton "fonduing" statement.
REYNOLDS
So, you admit it!
STAN
Reyna has been the light of my life
for the past twenty four years. I could
never in a million years dream of doing
something like that to hurt her.
LIVELY
I cry.
REYNOLDS
Like Reyna is crying right now.
BRB while I be a good second husband
and console her. You two can speak
amongst yourselves.
STAN
Is she really crying?
LIVELY
I'm sad to say she is. She just misses you
so much, Sebastian
STAN
I miss her more than anything. It
physically hurts me being away from
her and the kids.
LIVELY
I know, but you'll see them soon
enough. I just wish we could come
and see you so we could all spend your
birthday together.
STAN
I'll probably just drink the night away.
FOSTER
No, please.
Don't you dare do that
The last time you drank while you were
hurt, you ended up in a two week coma
and I don't think I could deal with that
again, Sebastian Stan. You want something
to do, you call me or text me or FaceTime
me, but just please do not drink
REYNOLDS
Hey, I remember that
Fucking asshole had me worried as shit.
FOSTER
He had us all worried. I won't lie when I
say I literally thought he was going to die.
LIVELY
I did too...
STAN
Well, I didn't and I'm so happy I didn't
because now I have a beautiful daughter
and a handsome ass son and one breath
taking wife. Regardless of how much I
wish they were with me right now, I'm still
incredibly blessed to have them.
REYNOLDS
Um, what about your second wife, your
second daughter and your gay best friend
who secretly has the hots for your first wife?
STAN
You know I'm happy to have all of you
too, Ry 😂
FOSTER
I love you so much. I promise you that
we will see you soon, okay?
STAN
I'm counting on it. Don't think I can
handle this much longer.
FOSTER
I'll figure something out. But for now
we'll let you go. Call me when you can
tomorrow, okay?
STAN
I definitely will, baby. I love you.
FOSTER
I love you too, baby.
REYNOLDS
I love you too, sweetie.
LIVELY
I love you too, cupcake.
STAN
Jeez
YOU ARE READING
Bleeding Love → Sebastian Stan
Fanfic❝I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you. They try to pull me away, but they don't know the truth.❞ . . .in which her love for him is not only the cure to her brokenness, but the cause. [mostly social media] [book three] [Highest ranking in...
