dear j

[5]

february 22, 2011

dear j,

                i was hurt. i knew it wasn’t your intention to hurt me like that. even though we would sit under our tree or you hugging me when the thunder strikes, we weren’t even a thing. i didn’t know where our friendship stood. i knew i had fallen in love with you but i was afraid to fall, because of the chance of you not there to catch me. it wasn’t your intention she would talk to you like that. but what i really really felt? i was jealous, i admit. but the most ridiculous thing that had happened was when my heart was starting to break, literally into small pieces you wouldn’t know how to paste it back inside my heart.

                the way you would answer her questions made me more hurt. it was like as if you took so much interest on her. she was pretty alright, and skinny in a sense. she had beautiful waves of chestnut brown hair falling down evenly on her shoulders while she wore her head band to keep her hair from getting it carried away from the wind. but one thing that made me assure things was, she was the first one who would talk to you, not the other way around. but who cared. i was hurt. deeply hurt.

******

february 22, 2012

 

dear j,

 

                the boy i met yesterday is here again but now, he’s already right in front of me, his broad back facing me. he’s wearing a black jacket but it still can’t conceal the muscles that are prominently inside his body. i blush, not knowing what the reason for that is. there are a lot of things i should’ve been thinking now than just staring at this plain stranger i met yesterday. but i can’t help it. he’s mysterious and he gives me that kind of aura of mystery.

                when he’s done ordering, he turns around, shocked to see me standing right behind him. he doesn’t get mad at me though, but his face is devoid of emotion. he stares at me blankly but then looks away, a sign he’s clearly doesn’t want to get into business with me. i don’t mind him, too, because right now, all i can think of is you, j. i remember that you told me you loved me. and it hurts knowing you can’t be here for me anymore. i don’t know what to feel. but i guess i’m too numb for that already.

 

forever yours,

a