dear j

[6]

february 23, 2011

dear j,

 

                you liked her. it was evident in your eyes. the way she would laugh at your jokes, you liked her and the most terrible thing i had ever felt in my entire life was thinking you liked me back. the hugs that we had and laughs that we gave, they were all worthless because you hadn’t thought the same way i had thought about you. you did crazy and funny moves in front of her and she laughed because you looked ridiculous.

                i opened my facebook to see that she told her friend she had a love life and i knew who she was sharing her love life with: you. the very guy i liked liked someone else and i knew that she was way prettier than i did and was skinnier than i did. she had the greatest set of brown eyes and it hurt so much whenever you shared those things about her to me. the hardest part? you thought you were falling in love for her? i had fallen in love with you, j. but i guessed you did not catch me because you were waiting for her to fall and you would catch her.

                i guessed from now on things would never be the same.

--&--

february 23, 2012

dear j,

 

                it’s quite ridiculous that i see that guy everyday buying coffee at our coffee shop. he goes at a regular time, the same time i will order my coffee. the funniest thing is that he sits in front of me, the table serving as a wall between us. he doesn’t speak though, his face still lacking with any emotion. his eyes are hard to read, and he looks like he’s mad in this world.

                i can’t blame him, though, because i have felt that very same thing most especially when you have left in this world, and i have no one to share carrying the weight of the world around me. he brings the coffee cup to his lips as i utter a single, “hello.” to him but he still doesn’t reply, his eyes staring at the glass. i look around at the coffee shop and realize he has no seat to sit on. i feel a bit disappointed. he has only forced himself to sit with me because there are no other chairs available. but i push the thought away and continue drinking my chocolate latte.

 

forever yours,

a