1 - SCHIZOPHRENIA | K.TH

S

"It's time, I see." Jungkook glanced at his wristwatch, smiling slyly at J as she sat by the edge of her bed, a bottle of pills in hand.

There was no going back now. She was ready.

Life had brought her nothing but pain, and she was ready to end it once and for all.

Jungkook's expression softened at the hardness on her face. "It's the right thing to do, you know. It'll all get better when it's over."

"I know." She placed the bottle back on her side table, glancing over curiously at Jungkook. "How did you die?"

He seemed slightly taken aback by her question, before he smiled sadly, his expression clouded with regret.

"I, uhm. I-I killed someone. She meant a lot to me, and after she died, I just knew I had to go too." He looked at me, his eyes glassy. "I just don't want you to make the same mistake, and spend eternity regretting it."

J thought about V, how much she had grown attached to the boy who had helped her through so much. Hurting him would kill her on the inside.

"I've seen how you look at him." She lifted her gaze back at Jungkook, who was pushing his hair back in frustration and biting his bottom lip hard. "I just know it'll happen, some day, that the voices would get the better of you and it'll happen. I'm trying to stop it from happening."

"I understand." She picked up the bottle of pills, opening it hastily and pouring out a bunch that would surely make her overdose. It was enough to make the pain go away.

You weakling.

Running away from your problems like you always do.

We knew you'd never win this fight, J.

"It's okay, J." Something inside her snapped when she heard him say that. She threw the pills on her bed, struggling to breathe as she pushed back the hair falling in her eyes.

"STOP SAYING THAT!" She gasped for air, clutching at her own throat. "IT'S NOT OKAY, IT'S NEVER BEEN OKAY FOR ME!"

By now, Jungkook had disappeared into thin air, and J's breath was starting to stabilise. She couldn't understand why she had suddenly freaked out, and that gave her an even bigger reason that she had to go.

Picking up her phone with shaky hands, she dialed his number on instinct, her finger hovering over the call button.

Did she want him to be the one to find her dead on her bedroom floor?

Yes.

She hit the dial button, lifting the cellphone to her ear and waiting patiently. She had all the time in the world to wait for V to answer.

"Yeoboseyo?" Her breath caught in her throat at his voice, the only voice she wanted to hear in her last moments on this wretched earth.

"J?" She remained silent, trying to imprint his voice in her mind, the way he called her name and spoke to her in that gentle but deep voice. She wondered if she'd be able to remember everything even when she was dead.

"Why are you calling me so late at night?" She cleared her throat, ignoring the tears springing from her eyes.

"I-I just wanted to hear your voice one last time."

"W-what do you mean one last t--" He paused, and she knew he had figured out. "No. No, J, please don't do it. Whatever it is, you'll get through it. We'll get through it together, okay? It'd be--"

"No." She was surprised how firm her voice was, considering how much she was shaking at the moment. "No. Everything won't be okay, V. Anyone who gets close to me will get hurt, and it's not going to be okay when you get hurt, V. I can't control it, and it's never going to go away. Those voices will keep haunting me till I lose myself completely, and I'd rather die as I am. The girl who loves you, J."

It was silence on the end of the line, only the sound of V's breathing and the steady buzz of static. She took a deep breath and mustered the courage to continue talking.

"So no, it's never going to be okay for me. But it'll be okay for you. You'll find another person who can love you properly, someone who will make you smile and laugh, someone who can be there for you when I was never able to. So I want you to forget me, and not to come find me. I don't want the last time you see me to be an image someone as weak as I really am." She paused, suddenly out of breath. The pills were back in her hand, Jungkook back by her side, a hand on her shoulder as he nodded reassuringly.

"I love you, J. Don't leave me." A sob came through the other side of the line, sounds of footsteps hitting the ground and pants being heard on the other end. J knew she didn't have much time.

"Promise me you'll never forget. Understood?"

J didn't wait for his reply. She knew that if she had really heard him say it, she wasn't so sure she would be able to do it anymore.

Kim Taehyung

"Understood."

I had whispered back, but before I could say the word, the line went dead, and she was gone, forever.