Uncovered Secrets

Marley

Marley and I are instant friends. We talk nonstop throughout the hour, and I find out a lot about her. I know she has an eating disorder, but I don't ask her about it.

"So how long have you and Kevin been a couple?" She asks me.

"A week." I say, blushing. "You're dating Jake Puckerman, right?" I ask her.

"Yeah. Listen... Kevin... He told me about..." I knew what she was trying to say.

"Yeah he told me about you, too." She nods, looking down. We don't talk about it for a while after that.

***

I walk into the bathroom during study hall to do a makeup check a week later. I stare at my reflection. My skinny jeans, navy shirt, and leather jacket. I have a ton of makeup on, and my hair has a lot of hairspray in it. I start to feel that same old feeling of frustrated self loathing, when a retching sound came from one of the stalls. I turn and instantly recognize the yellow Toms I let Marley borrow. I push open the stall.

"Marley!" I gasp, seeing only blood in the toilet. She collapses in sobs, laying in the fetal position on the floor. "Marley... What's wrong?" I sit down next to her and gently stroke her hair. After a few minutes, she speaks,

"I caught Jake and Bree... Together."

***

"Hey." I say, siting down next to Jake. It's a rainy day, but Jake was sitting at the picnic table him and Marley always sat at if they needed to talk. It was sort of like a signal. "She's not coming, you know." I sigh.

"She talked to you?" Jake asked. I nod.

"Look, Jake, Marley's upset. She doesn't want to talk to you. So just... Give her some space." I say softly. Jake looks up, clearly holding in a sob.

"I just want her to know I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt her." And all of the sudden my rage boils over.

"Well, Jake, it would've been smart to think of that before cheating; wouldn't it?" Jake looks stunned, but I can't stop. "Look all I know is that I caught Marley in the bathroom with her fingers down her throat after seeing you making out with another girl." I got up and walked back inside, seeing Kevin standing there, clearly confused. I walk right past him, to the bathroom. I don't know what to do, I just don't want to talk to Kevin right now. I was just too tired to talk about it again. I just stare at myself in the mirror. For ten minutes straight, I stare. Until the old feelings of hate boil over, and I scramble to the toilet. I pull my hair back, not caring that I'm ruining the curls, and stick two fingers down my throat. I feel shivers moving through my back and then my lunch is in the toilet. I hear knocking at the door.

"Demi?" It's Kevin. "Are you in there?" I start to cry silently. I ignore Kevin, I don't want him to see me like this. My phone buzzes a few minutes later. I answer Kevin's call. "Demi? Where are you? Are you okay? What happened with Jake?"

"Just go home. I'll call my Mom to give me a ride." I can hear Kevin pause confusedly.

"Why? Demi, what's wrong?"

"Nothing Kevin! Just go."

"Fine." His voice is hurt and my heart breaks. I didn't mean to sound so harsh but I can't let Kevin see me like this. I pull the phone away from my ear and slowly press end.

***

Once I'm at home, I rush up to my bathroom and make myself puke again. This time because of what I did to Kevin. I can't do anything right. I can't get rid of these feelings, I break out into a cold sweat and I can almost see the demons. I can feel them holding me down, making it hard to breath. I fumble blindly for the cabinet handle. My fingers find it and I pull it open and search. Then I see it. A blade.