Voice. LH Au

7.0

Luke's POV~

It'd happened again. It always did, unfortunately. It all started when I was a young boy, I had suffered with social anxiety.

I never wanted to play with the neighbour kids, never wanted to go anywhere where there were big groups of people, or meet new people period. I was always self conscious so this pushed me further down the line of avoiding interaction outside of the family.

Over time my mom said this began to fade, however i still remained anxious- my fear of people lessened as I drowned myself in music it was my escape.Yet there are still moments when I find myself rendered helpless, drowned in my own thoughts for a while until it finally passes.

Today was one of those days.

The familiar heaviness in my chest greeted me like a slap to the face. ( Twas like all my insecurities and negative thoughts were putting strain on my heart). You can hate them, but it makes up a part of you that's only human. Slumping down by the side of my bed, I retrieved my battered black songbook, first wiping the sweat from my forhead.

My lungs tightened slightly, subsequently leading me to take deep breaths. Doctors orders. Attempting to focus on my breathing (and trying not to pass out) , I began to scrawl down my thoughts. Writing soothes my soul and in this case my mind.

Dear anxiety,

Why do you do this to me? You suffocate me until i find it hard to breath. You haunt my dreams at night leaving me un able to sleep because i may've done something wrong.

Instead of being able to movve on from one of my mistakes you choose to haunt me, replaying the incident over and over again until its all i know. Making me feel weak. I can't try new things because you always emphasise all of the disasters that could happen- so I avoid it in fear.

You can't control me, you're never going to take over my life again. Im stronger than this, than you. But every once in a while when you cling to me and bring me down. You're the part of me I left behind. Im better than this, than you.

So next time you think about screwing me over you can leave. I don't need you, and I'll be damn sure I will someday live my life without your constant shadow bringing me down, as i know i can beat you.

- Luke

My breathing began to settle while my heart attempted to return to it's regular pace. This book contained a variety of random scrawls from lyrics to entries like this all extremely private. It's my coping mechanism and my outlet.

Always has !! (yet hopefully I will rely on it less and less in the near future). But that doesn't seem to be happening any time soon. Rubbing my face I lay across my bed sighing deeply. The minds a curious place.

We assume some people are "perfect" as they portray confident personas on the outside, yet if we dig deeper we may see this only just scratches the surface of their personality. For me i feel like its the case. I may look intimidating, a punk or "oh no hide your daughters he's a player" : when in fact you don't know half the stuff that goes on in my mind.

I've learned to accept myself by now, i thought tossing the book in my hands, but why can't others just do the same and look beyond what they see.

Hi ? I have anxiety and personally i think it's something that needs to be addressed more than it is. We all may assume everyone's ok, but I like to think that through Luke , here , you see how it affects people in different ways. Think carefully before judging others as chances are we're all going through things- so let's help each other out a bit .

If anyone you know feels anxious offer them support , sometimes the simplest thing such as talking to them can make them feel 10 times better. Be a friend, be kind.

Please don't forget to vote, comment so I know I'm doing a good job ha ha. I'd love to know what you guys think!
-unpredictablegirl11