Can of soup cooking directions:
Lift tab and pull to remove lid.
Immediately slice fingertip on edge of lid.
Throw lid very hard into garbage can, so it knows what it's done.
Laugh at portion sizes and directions regarding the use of a stove.
Dump cold glob into microwave and lose appetite.
Microwave until scalding on the edges and freezing in the middle.
Stir until lukewarm throughout.
Ignore soup coated walls of microwave.
Enjoy!
