The Diary of a Teenage Psychopath #Wattys2016 #Completed

Chapter 1- Jail House

Dear Simon,

It's been 9 months since the accident. Even though things have passed over, everyone is getting back to their normal self, I still feel like something has been ripped away from me. How can they just get over things like that? I mean its been months, I know, but it was a big event. I think it deserves at least a year to ride over. I missed a month of school, so I had to go to summer school so I would be sent to my junior year. Summer school was the hardest thing to sit through. Even the losers there have more friends than I ever will. I'm so glad I get to keep you Simon. If mom knew I had you she would probably just take you away from me, then I would have no one to talk to. She says I have been acting weird since January. I haven't spoken to anyone, but its not because I have gone crazy.

It's because I'm still shocked.

Yesterday, I heard her on the phone with a therapist. She was telling him how I've become antisocial. Like before the accident I was Ms. Popular. She doesn't know anything about me. All she knows is that I am her daughter who has brown hair and green eyes. She probably doesn't even know that much. I refuse to talk to a therapist though. I'm not crazy. I am sad.

Depressed.

Confused.

Annoyed.

Hurt.

Lost.

I was forced to go to school today. I wore the shirt that grandma got me last summer. It's a size too big and falls past my knees like a floppy dress. I didn't comb my hair or attempt to put on any make up. It's been a while since I used any of that stuff. It's not because I figured I'm beautiful or anything, I just don't have a reason to look preppy. I wore some old jeans and my torn shoes. It was an intense first day outfit.

I'm sent out the door early enough to get to school early, but I refuse to go on the public bus, filled with people going the same place I am. I could already see them in there, chattering mindlessly. Talking just to talk. Just because they have friends. People get a real kick out of making you feel like a loser.

Finally I do get to school, and guess who is in my first period class?

Amber and Roseshit. What annoys me about those two is that they pretend that they like you and then laugh at you and mock you when they think you're out of ear range. I'm not the type to stand up for myself, but maybe I should start. They looked me up and down when I walked through the classroom door then started laughing. I felt like putting my head on the table and crying my eyes out. I guess the accident made me a little bit more sensitive. I settled with ignoring them and biting back tears.

At lunch today, Jaime completely ignored me. She used to be my best friend since fifth grade, but after the accident I ignored all her calls and attempts to hang out. Even months after, I didn't want to speak to her. Of course, it wasn't her fault. She didn't do anything. But you think a girl would try again. I just needed some time to get back to myself. It's been a while and I'm still not back to the old me. The girl with a few friends who made school worth coming to, the laugher, the one who got the grades without trying too hard.

I don't know when I will stop feeling this way. Mom looks at me weird now. She hates that I dress like I'm homeless, but that's how I feel. "You're a pretty girl Hedy. Why are you dressing like an old man? Your hair hasn't been washed in days, your eyeliner is smudging." Ugh. I cant take it, Simon.

I put the eyeliner on to at least try but I couldn't go any further. My make up kit didn't excite me like it used to, when I couldn't wait to put all the crap on my skin. Things are easier this way and a lot more comfortable too. I have lost a couple pounds so everything is going to look a size too big on me. The only good thing that happened today was that I saw that really cool guy after school.