Chapter 13 - January

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January 2nd

Dear Simon,

Happy New Year. I spent the day in bed again. Scar invited me to her New Year party but she warned me that everyone in the group would be there. I wasn't ready for that, so I didn't go. I turned my phone off so no one would contact me.

On the other hand, I did do something I've never done before...it's kind of embarrassing to tell you. Let's just say, I found a way to think about Scarlet and orgasm at the same time. I still think about Linc. I miss him so much.


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January 12

Dear Simon,

I don't know what the hell is going on with Mom. I haven't seen or spoken to her for at least a week. I think she abandoned me. I should be crying but I am relatively happy. I'm sure she will be back soon but the realization of her absence has put me in a great mood. Maybe I should invite Scar over? I wouldn't mind smoking right now.

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January 13

Dear Simon,

Yesterday, I called and invited Scar over and asked her to bring some weed. She did and we were high for hours. I noticed I get really horny when I'm high. I looked it up and it turns out that's just a side effect. I spent most of the day wondering if I actually liked Scar or if I was just horny off the weed. I came to the conclusion that it was probably both. We were talking off and on, and then we were quiet for a little as we both escaped to our own mental world, and then we were absolutely starving so we made a ton of food from whatever we could find in the house.

She made lasagna and I warmed up leftover chicken tenders and fries. It was honestly, amazing. After we ate though, we came back to my room and Scar pulled down my pants and started massaging the middle of my thighs with her finger. I got really wet and then I fell asleep. I don't know when she left my house, but I woke up in the morning under my covers with my underwear and top on. I'm going to have to speak to her about taking advantage of me when i'm under the influence. I remember liking most of it.

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January 20th

Dear Simon,

Lincoln said hi to me as he walked through the halls today. It was subtle and low but I thinks he wants to be friends again. I am a little afraid of getting too excited. I think Scar has been persuading me to come back to the group. I love Scar so much. I think it's because I associate her with how good I feel when I smoke and she touches me. I never touch her back. I don't think I have it in me. I'm pretty sure i'm not bisexual. But her hands feel good.

Also Kyle has been out of the hospital, and he's been asking for me. Maybe Linc wants me back just to make Kyle happy. How dare I get my hopes up.


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