The Diary of a Teenage Psychopath #Wattys2016 #Completed

Chapter 20

June 1st

Dear Simon, 

My stomach is getting bigger and it's getting harder to hide the baby bump.I spend most days reading to her or him. I haven't decided on any names but I have become completely obsessed with this baby. I now have a new reasons to live and I've been searching for one for so long. I gained back a few pounds so I look healthy again, almost pretty. I hoped with everything in me that she has your eyes Simon, and your eyelashes. You had such long eyelashes for a boy, but they made you so handsome. I wish you were here to the baby being born. I am not looking forward to the pain but my heart is ready to burst at the thought of holding it. 

Mom hasn't been home in a few weeks, but the bills are still being paid because the lights and water are still on. Good riddance. I have no wish to know if she is even doing alright because what mother leaves their child in the state I was in. 

My phone begins ringing and I hop out of the living room couch and check to see who it is, though it could only be Scarlet again. 

I answer this time. 

"Hello." I say lightly.

After a few seconds I hear her respond as if she was surprised I even picked up. "Oh, Hello? Oh my God, Hedy. I haven't heard that voice in so long." She says. 

"Yea, sorry. I wanted to be alone for a while." I explain. 

"No, it's completely fine. I understand that." It's quiet for a while as she seems to find things to say without being annoying or a little too eager or nosy. 

"I spoke to Lincoln and he told me the news." A wave of anger momentarily washes over me as I remember his response and then calm serenity fills in as I remember his panic. I wait for what Scar is going to say next. 

"Congratulations, mama Hedy." She says lightly.  

"Thank you. I'm very excited." I trail off contemplating her true intentions. Should I even allow myself to have friends at this point? I fumble with the toast in my hands then take a bite. 

"Do you need anything?" She asks. "Food? Movies to watch? Books?" 

"No, I'm fine... Thanks." I reply timidly. A part of me wanted Scar to come over, wanted someone to talk to and be vulnerable with and just depend on. But how many times would I allow myself to be used by these people. These friends of Jaime who may just be around me to report back to her. I end the call before anything else is said, a headache growing. 

"Just us." I say to my stomach. "We don't need anyone else." 

************************** 

July 2nd 

It's been 5 months now Simon. I have been doing great by myself. I haven't spoken to Lincoln or Scar and my stomach is completely visible. I use my mothers money stashed in her draw for food and more books. I am quickly running out though and I wish she would come back, just to ensure me and the baby had something to eat. 

Chester surprisingly called. I picked up for him because I didn't remember anything he had done to me. I missed his big eyes and small head with curly black hair. He aced his SATs and got into a really good college. College seems like a far away dream now, I doubt I can even afford it with the little one on the way. He knows about the baby and I wonder if the entire school knows. They probably do. 

I can imagine the rumors now. 

I heard she killed herself.

I heard she's pregnant now.