Life chats

8/1/16

Hello people
I haven't written anything in a while I've been busy with life.
I just wanted to post something right now cause lately I've been feeling my depression creep back up on me. So for anyone dealing with depression this is my story. Maybe this will help somebody. I've also had to deal with a lot of anxiety later so I'll make another chapter about that as well. But for depression here it is.......
Life sucks right? Sometimes. Not all the time but we all have good days and bad days, but aren't they just days? Putting life into another perspective works for me. When I'm feeling depressed I feel like a haze goes over me and everything I experience in life is somehow made into a horrible experience. Everything is bad or screwed up. Nothing makes me happy but the again nothing makes me sad because I'm just numb. No emotions pass through me. I feel a void, like a piece of me is gone. A part of me feels like my life has been taken over and I don't know who I am anymore. Now I'm angry and the anger makes me happy because now I know I'm not completely void of any emotions. I don't have to feel numb. Numbness isn't my safe zone as I thought it was. I used to think that because I felt nothing it was better than feeling depressed, because feeling depressed made me hurt myself. I thought the physical pain took away the mental pain but it doesn't. What I've been writing right now has just been a stream of consciousness so none of it probably makes any sense but this is what it's like to be in the mind of somebody with depression. It's not fun and there is so much more I could explain and ramble on about but for now I think I've talked about sad stuff for much too long. For my own sake and for others. So this is me when my depression is acting up. I'm rather open about it so if anybody needs to talk I'm here. But before I end this I want to talk about how I've been challenging my negative thinking........
First off I use distractions. I watch a funny YouTube video, play with my dog, talk to somebody, be around people, draw, write, read, go running, I do anything to take my mind off my negative thoughts. I also keep a mantra going in my head.
"I am intelligent, I am beautiful, I am strong
I am kind, I am not defined by my anxiety or depression, I am a fighter"
So to anyone battling depression, fight it. Tomorrow is a new day, and the sun will rise eventually. In your darkest moments is where you find yourself, and whoever you are is beautiful. Some people may not see so you tell yourself that those people aren't worth your time. If people pull you down you get back up and know they aren't worthy of you. You, reader, whoever you are, is an amazing person and nobody should ever bring you down. When in hell keep going. Because there is another side. You are a fighter you can make it. Defeat the monster that is depression. Fight back! You can win.