Nothing Can My Love Erase

Funny How the Pages Turn and Hold Us in Between

"I'm sorry Billie, I am.. I just.. I don't know."

Billie wasn't in a good mood at all and that was why she decided not to say anything and just cover herself with the blanket completely. This wasn't a good start into the day at all. Tripping over his trousers.. what a stupid excuse. Somehow Billie just got more upset the more she thought about it.

The way she reacted made it obvious to Brian that he should leave the room and let her calm down again, maybe let her get some more sleep. Quickly and quietly he got dressed before he left the room and went into the living room. He got his accoustic guitar and started to quietly work on a new song he had on his mind. That was his way of distracting himself from the world if there was trouble. And obviously there was currently, something wasn't quite right with him and Billie.

He couldn't help but wonder if she had really forgiven him for how he had treated her after he had gotten back from Tenerife. As he thought about it he realised that she had never actually said that she forgave him. Brian gulped and closed his eyes.

What did that mean? Was she just playing with him? Using him to fill an emptiness? But.. that didn't make sense. She had seemed so happy when he had said yes, when he had agreed to move in with her. He had been more that just happy too, he had been so incredibly relieved that she still wanted him and that she still wanted to spend that much time with him after what he had done. But how did that all together make any sense at all? It didn't, not to Brian at least.

The reason why he had gotten up so early was because he had wanted to surprise her with breakfast in bed. But that plan had gone very wrong. He hadn't wanted to turn on the lamp on the nightstand so he wouldn't want to wake her. He had forgotten that he had left his trousers on the floor the night before so when he tripped over them he had tried not to fall and accidentally banged against the door of the wardrobe. That was what had woken Billie. Brian wished he had just turned on the lamp. That probably would have bothered her less. Now it was too late to change that. Now he had to deal with an upset girlfriend. He didn't mind dealing with her, he just didn't like seeing her upset, especially not if it was because of him.

Brian sighed and put his guitar down before he got up to make some tea. He needed something to calm himself down. While he waited for the water to boil he looked through her cupboards to get his favourite mug. The mug that reminded him of easier days. He smiled a little when he saw the mug he had bought on their trip to the observatory all those years ago. He did love her, a lot, and he couldn't deny that.

He got a teabag and placed it in the mug before pouring the boiling water over it. Stirring the tea with a spoon he stood at the kitchen island and looked at the logo of the observatory that was printed onto the mug. Actually it wasn't very pretty at all. There was no reason why Billie should have wanted this mug and still use it so much other than that she loved him.

Maybe he was making a huge thing of something that wasn't actually a big deal at all. Maybe he should just give her some time to calm down and then apologise again. If she really loved him she would forgive him. Accidentally waking someone up wasn't a crime, after all. And if she couldn't forgive him for that then maybe .. maybe he shouldn't live with her.

That was a big thing to decide, even if he hadn't told anyone that decision yet. But still. It made him a little nervous. Somehow he was certain that Billie would forgive him, but what if not? What then? What would become of him without her? He only realised how much his hands were shaking when he tried to place the mug back on the coffee table and spilled a bit onto the wood.

He sighed and rubbed his face before he went to get a couple of paper towels to clean up the mess he had made. Speaking of mess.. he still had to tidy up all his things that were still lying around in the hallway from when he looked for his book the night before. He would drink his tea and then he would take care of that, he told himself and threw the now wet paper towels into the garbage before sitting on the couch and sipping of his tea occasionally. He took his accoustic guitar again and continued to work on a quiet accoustic song.

Occasionally he drank some tea until the last, now almost cold drops of tea were rolling down the smooth insides of the mug. He looked over what he had accomplished in the half hour he had been sat on the couch with his guitar and notepad. It wasn't too bad, he had finished another whole verse of the lyrics and adjusted what he had had.

That was why he carefully placed the guitar on its stand before getting up to tidy the mess in the hallway. He hoped he would manage to do that quietly, without waking Billie up because he really didn't want to upset her again, possibly even cause a worse fight. He placed the mug on the kitchen island, he was going to do the washing up later, and walked out into the hallway.

He turned on the light and sighed heavily when he saw how many of his things were lying around in places they didn't belong. He knelt down beside one of his bags and placed all his other books and a few clothes into the bag again. Slowly he moved along the short hallway, making sure that the flat wasn't messy when Billie woke up. He really didn't want her to be grumpy and upset with him, he didn't like that.

Once he was done he looked aorund, very relieved that he had managed to tidy up everything without making a lot of noise. That would have been a disaster if he had woken Billie up twice on the same day if they hadn't gotten a lot of sleep anyway. She really wasn't a morning person and he was very aware of that.