Don't Let Go (The Walking Dead)

17- Hurt

Chapter 17
       
        Carl and I were both silent when we walked outside. The alarms had stopped. The screams had stopped. Everything had stopped. Carl and I walked behind Maggie, through the corridors and out one of the doors. The baby was fussing in Maggie's arms. We saw the rest of the group outside, except for Carol and T-Dog. As soon as Rick heard the baby, he turned around. I looked at his eyes as it suddenly registered that Lori wasn't with us. He looked us up and down and approached us.
        His axe dropped to the ground and he started shaking his head. Tears of grief and fear began to form in his eyes, telling us he had figured out what went wrong.
  "Where.. Where is- Where is she?" He stuttered Rick went to go back inside the prison door we came from.
"No! Rick no!" Maggie cried, gripping his arm. He looked at the two of us, covered in Lori's blood, and began sobbing.
  "Oh no... No.." He cried. Just looking at us and then the sky. Carl and I were both silent. We were gripping each other's hands so hard, I thought they would break but I didn't care. We just stared at the ground as Rick cried, too tired and sad to do anything. He just lay there on the ground, mourning the loss of his wife. I felt like I was dreaming. All the voices around me were fuzzy and far away, not unlike when I hit my head at Hershel's farm.
        I think someone was calling out to Rick -Daryl maybe?- but it didn't matter to me. Maggie passed the baby off the Carl and he let go of my hand. I suddenly felt much less safe and a lot more scared. We walked towards Hershel, who had asked to see her.
"What are we gonna feed it? We got anything a baby can eat?" Daryl spoke up.
  "The good news is, she looks healthy." He said with a pause. "But she needs formula. And soon or she won't survive."
"Nope. No way. Not her. We ain't' losin anyone else. I'm going for a run." Daryl claimed, slinging his crossbow over his shoulder.
  "I'll back you up," Maggie said, with Glenn close behind. Daryl started walking and I noticed him saying something to Beth, looking over at us, but I didn't really care at the moment. She nodded and walked back over. I didn't really notice when Rick picked his axe back up and walked into the doors we came from. Carl just stared at him while I was more focused on the ground.

        Everyone who was still there went inside at this point, except for the group of people who went to the fences to clear out walkers. Carl and I still had not spoken a word since the delivery. Beth had the baby now and we walked into Carl's cell. As soon as we sat down on the bed, the both of us burst into tears. We had been so silent this whole time and everything had built up to be too much. Once again, I had lost someone close to me. Once again, they were gone from my life forever. It also killed me seeing Carl so hurt because, in the past couple days, I had grown to really like him. The two of us sat on the bed, clinging on to each other. It was the only thing that felt stable at that point. We just hugged and cried and eventually laid down. The tears were still slipping down both of our faces as we started to fall asleep. The day had been so long and tiring, after everything we had done. I couldn't keep my eyes open if I wanted too. Once again, the last thing I saw before falling asleep were the bluest eyes I had ever seen, gleaming with tears as they slipped shut. Mine followed, as if our bodies knew we just needed a break for a bit.

        When I woke up, it was dark outside. I glanced over and saw Carl, his eyes already open. He was laying there beside me, just staring at the ceiling. I was about to say something when I heard a yell and a motorcycle.
"Guys, they're back!" It was probably Glenn. I got up, squeezed Carl's hand one more time, and rubbed my eyes. They were sticky from tears and no doubt as red as an apple. Carl got up as well and followed me. Beth handed Carl the baby and we sat for a moment, Carl bouncing her, and waiting for everyone to come inside.
  "Beth," Maggie said as she ran in. Daryl kneeled down next to us as he spoke.
"How's she been?" Carl handed the crying baby over to him as Daryl tried to soothe her, making gentle sounds that, for some reason, babies love. Beth handed Daryl a bottle of prepared formula and he began to feed her. Carl and I stared at this tiny miracle who, against all odds, had survived one of the most hectic births of all time. She quieted down.
  "She got a name yet?" Daryl asked. Carl was the one who spoke up.
"Not yet. I was thinking, maybe Sophia. And there's Carol too. Andrea.. Amy... Jackie. Patricia." He looked around, naming all of the women we had lost. "Or... Lori. I don't know." We were all silent as he spoke.. watching Daryl with the baby.
  "You like that? Huh? Lil ass kicker?" He looked at all of us. "Right? That's a good name, right?" and we all laughed a little at his humour. It felt good. "Lil ass kicker? You like that? Huh? You like that, sweetheart?" Who knew Daryl, of all people, would be so good with babies. He may look tough but he's a softie at heart.

        We all went to bed after that. Even though Carl and I had slept the last three hours or so, we were still exhausted. Neither of us wanted to be alone so I curled up with him in his cell again, the both of us holding each other. I don't think it was really a romantic thing. We were just two hurt kids who felt alone.

        Yay! New chapter! So, this chapter is a bit shorter but I thought maybe there should be some Carl/Eliza bonding time. You know, the calm after the storm? I just didn't know how to make this longer without it dragging on. I'll try to make the next chapter a bit longer.

-Emma xoxo