5 Seconds Of Summer Prefrences

Disgrace ~ (An Ashton Irwin Imagine)

*PLEASE DON’T HATE ON THIS IT WAS REALLY HARD FOR ME TO WRITE ABOUT SELF-HARM BECAUSE I DO IT MYSELF.*

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(Your P.O.V.)

*Your writing in your diary*

I’ve been cutting since I was thirteen years old, and I’m now seventeen. Yeah it’s been a hard four years for me. It started off when I was thirteen, I was a bit bigger than people in my year and I gained weight because of them, because they would bully me and that caused me to eat chocolate because it’s supposed to make you feel better right? Wrong. I was also the called the ‘ugly’ one in the group of friends I hung with, they didn’t stick up for me either because they liked being called beautiful. But they didn’t realise that, them not standing up for me had made me feel hopeless, alone and it gave me a strong feeling of loneliness, like no-body even cared. I was also dating this guy I had liked for a year before we started dating, we went out for a year and a half and he broke it off because one of my other ‘friends’ liked him and things went downhill from there. I had no-one and he got with someone two days after we split. I started cutting and I was called an attention seeker because they didn’t see my life from my eyes, and even to this day people judge me. They make me feel like such a disgrace, no wrong again, they never let me forget I am one because I know for a fact that no-one could really give a fuck about me and if I died. I bet my own boyfriend Ashton doesn’t even love me. He’s probably getting paid, or he felt sorry for me. Time to finish what I started four years ago…

*closed your diary*

I pull out the razor and look at my healing scars, time to go over them. I cut deeply into the still sensitive skin and the blood pours out. I did a few more cuts and hid my razor in my jewellery box; no-one ever looks in there. I felt really dizzy and everything all went black…

*Ashton’s P.O.V.*

I was on my way home when I suddenly got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. My thoughts suddenly turned to (Y/N). Shit was she okay? Was she in pain? Anything could be happening! I sped up my speed and I was past the speed limit but I didn’t get a fuck, I had to get to her now. I got home and pulled into our drive-way and locked the car and ran inside, “(Y/N)? Where are you babe?” I looked in every room frantic trying to find her. I ran into our bedroom and saw her lying on the bed. Maybe she’s asleep? I walked closer and she fluttered her eyes opened and I felt a huge sense of relief.

*Your P.O.V.*

I saw Ashton looked relieved as I woke up. What the hell just happened? Shit my arm hurts; I look down and remembered I passed out before. Fear was all on my mind. I pulled my arm under the blanket as fast as I could. Ashton lifted it up so he could get under with me. His eyes opened in shock as he looked at me, fuck.

*Ashton’s P.O.V.*

What the fuck is all this blood? I looked around and saw (Y/N)’s arm and she had cut herself, why would she do this? I looked into her eyes and saw fear and tears. She put her head into her hands and she pulled her knees up and rocked herself. I pulled her into a hug and she rejected…what? I had to figure out what was wrong before things got worse. “Babe what’s wrong please tell me?” She looked up and bit her lip before handing me...a little blue diary? I read the continents inside…what the fuck, why didn’t she tell me all of this? I understand though; it would have been tough for her to explain. I closed it and looked at her, “hey I really do love you, and I promise I won’t be like those who were apart of you being torn into a million pieces, but I promise I will always be here to pick you back up when you fall.” She mumbled, “but I’m a disgrace I always have been how can you love a disgrace Ashton?” I took her had in my own, “You are not a disgrace and you never have been, those people were idiots, you’re perfect, I love you for who you are and a disgrace is not in the list of things that are in your personality or life okay?” she smiled as I kissed her cuts and wrapped them up. “I’m not a disgrace.” She whispered to herself then she kissed me in the most passion way she has ever kissed me.