HE'S MINE → JASON MCCANN

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Chapter Four |
J a s o n p o v

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I feel another painful blow against my face as I struggle to breathe. Everything about my body feels weak, sweaty, sore, possibly numb from all the pain. I have no idea where I am, what time it is, what month it is. It can be my birthday for all I know. It feels like I've been rotting in this place for an endless amount of time. I've been tortured repeatedly, every single day, for as long as I've been here.

It's driving me insane. Having people physically & mentally abuse you every single day would make anybody go crazy. I hate the feeling of not being able to fight back, I hate the feeling of my arms & legs being tied. I hate feeling confined. I feel like a chained up animal.

You did this.

I know.

Another punch to my face disrupted me from my inner thoughts. I feel the constant pain of my teethe feeling sore. I already know that my face is possibly bruised & discolored. I have an extreme migraine that makes me feel like my head is exploding. I feel all of this pain at once.

The group of men that took turn beating & torturing me leave the room. Before one of the men could leave my strained voice speaks up. "You know, once these chains are no longer restricting me, You're the first person I'm going killing. That's a promise." I cough, spitting out the blood from my mouth.

"I guess I have nothing to worry about then." The man laughs tauntingly. He walks out of the room, slamming the door shut. I start to feel my anger increase rapidly. I bite on my lip, clenching my jaw tightly. I'm picturing many different ways of killing him. My voice sounded so strained—but I meant what I said. Killing him was a promise I was going to keep.

How?

I have no idea. I'm stuck in this place without no ways of getting out. I'm weak, I have no strategy, no weapons, no plan. I have nothing. I know that everyone probably hates me. My friends most likely feel betrayed. Y/n most likely feels betrayed. The best thing for them to do is to just leave me in here to rot. I don't deserve anyone caring about me, fighting for me because at the end of the day I always find away to screw over the people I care about. I wish I can figure out why I'm built like this.

Why am I programmed to hurt the people I love?

I think about her all the time. No matter how much I say that I want her to forget about me & move on—I don't. I want to see her again. I want to be able to hold her again. I want to hear her laugh, I want to see her smile. I want to be able to kiss her lips. I want to be able to look into her eyes. I want to tell her that I love her—even if it's one last time.

I just need to.

Part of me feels like I'm a fucked up person & that she deserves to be with someone else—but part of me also loves her to death & wants to be with her.  However, my impulsive decisions led me here. They always lead me to bad places.

The doctor walks in & I quickly use my shoulder to wipe away a tear that's on my cheek. The doctor is in a lab coat, the same shitty outfit he wears everyday. He always comes in preparing some medicine—I don't know if it's medicine but I now that it makes me feel better when I wake up.

My eyes look up at the light that's hanging over my sweaty body. I close my eyes, waiting for the piercing feeling on my wrist. A syringe filled with God knows what, is what they use to heal me. Everyday they completely destroy me, almost killing me. Then they heal me with whatever is in that syringe just so they can do it all over again the next day. They heal me just so they can torture me again.  It's an endless cycle. They don't want me to die—they want to see me suffer.