My Digital Escape Preferences/ Imagines

Requested: 2012

Requested by @elizabeth9595

*Please Read* If you haven't read 2009, please read that before going onto this imagine. It continues on from where that imagine left off. Thanks!

I love you, but it hurts to speak out loud when I'm speaking through speakers, talking through filters.

Since the last time we sat at the fountain, we've decided that it was best for the both of us to remain the best friends we were before our relationship. The worst part about breaking it up is that the only way we can communicate is through the phone and sending each other stupid snapchat videos. We can't even look at one another face-to-face without wanting to choke up and tell each other much we love and miss each other. But at the same time, it hurts to send him anything because I feel like we could've been a lot stronger than we were. We could've overlooked the situation and done something better than just late-night text messages. We could've gotten through this. Now, I've just been going about my daily life and working unbearable hours, so I don't have to think about him. Whenever I'm alone, I always think about Bryan. God, what could have we done? I wish I knew. But now, our only way of communicating is through Skype, Snapchat, and Text messages. We could've done so much better, and when we do talk, everything comes out wrong.

I'm laying on the couch in the living room while I wait for a message from Bryan. The soft voices through the TV are making great background noises and serve as a distraction from the conflicting relationship between Bryan and I. I guess I just need a break, but how could I take a break when we just broke up? This is more troubling than I thought it would be.

The way you had my heart when we were younger pretty quickly disappeared. Only looking through holes in my fingers, but my skin is healing up.

Two months have passed and I've kept busy like I promised myself I would. I've been working two jobs and kept contact with people who keep me sane in my darkest hours. I figured it would be the best for me if I did little things like that, then it would get better. I was correct. Since I've done these precautions, the pain that Bryan left with me is starting to decrease. Now if it'll stay this way, then I can continue to move on in my daily life. I won't have anymore distractions and I can just focus on myself. At the end of the day, we always end up with ourselves. Why not try and make something great of ourselves and be happy? As Paramore always says, "Someday, you're gonna be the only one you've got." 

So that I can get outside on my days off, I decided to contact the best friend and asked if they wanted to go out to the mall and grab something for lunch. Agreeing to the adventure, I got dressed in a matter of minutes and applied makeup before leaving the apartment. We both decided to meet up at the mall first, so we both strolled along the mall and went to all of our favorite stores. We decided to stock up on some jewelry and decorative buttons at Hot Topic, and there he was. Bryan was there with Johnnie and Alex, and from where he was standing, he didn't notice me. At this point, though, I really don't care. I don't care to look back into the eyes of the man I once loved, because at this point, I don't feel anything. I guess deep down, I do miss him, but at the same time, we decided to end it. I have to respect mutual decisions, especially when they're for the best. 

You're that little ray of sun that burns me and blinds me with all your light. My candles glows brightly, but yours outshines me

Deep down, I'm still in love with him. I thought that if I had a distraction from him then he'd just disappear into the air and he'd be forgotten. I guess distractions can only work for so long. It sucks because I don't know what else I can do to get him off my mind. I wish there was a way to get him out of sight and out of mind. I mean, I can't just tell him to move because one: It wouldn't be fair to him. Second: I don't want to leave either. I have other friends in Los Angeles that I want to keep in my life. I can try and find escapes and loopholes around the situation, but it'll be so damn hard to do so. Even when I'm trying to get him out of mind, he still clouds himself in the back of my brain and waits for the right time to come to the surface. This is one of those examples. I want to get him out of my skin and into someone that'll be there for him just like I've been for him, but at the same time, I want him to come back to me. Then, things will be whole again. Plus, I wouldn't be a jumbled up hot mess like I am at the moment. 

I don't think I should be thinking about Bryan while working. I need to stay focused on the situation I'm currently going through with the vegetables I have to chop for the upcoming lunch masses. Chopping vigorously, I'm hoping I'll be done within the next thirty seconds so I can figure out what to do about him. But my luck ran out when I hit my finger and blood instantaneously came out in the matter of seconds. From what I could tell, the cut was deep and I rushed myself to the supply closet to the first aid kit to give myself a bandaid, but one of my co-workers noticed me in the closet. 

"What just happened?" Nina (A/N: If that's your name, then you can change it) asked. 

"I cut my finger while chopping vegetables and I need it to stop so I can work," I muttered, yet somehow Nina understood it 100%. Nina came further into the closet to get the supplies she needed and took one more look at me. 

"I think it's more than a cut on skin," Nina replied and walked out of the closet, leaving me dumbfounded. Look at me, I let the thoughts of Bryan take over me. I never thought it would end up like this with me in a closet holding one hand in the other, trying not to cry. Moments later, I heard footsteps and the silhouette of the general manager looking at me and telling me to go home. The truth is, I don't want to go home. That'll just make the thoughts of Bryan a lot worse. 

Little ray of sun, do you think we're done? 

Two days after the incident, I came back to work to notice Nina and a couple of other chefs were crowded around each other and conversing. Based on past experience, it's never good news to come back and notice chefs talking collectively. You never know what could happen. My shift ended at two o'clock in the afternoon, and I went back to my apartment to dress into my next uniform for my second job, which is at Macy's. At Macy's, you have to dress up and look nice as a sales associate, which just means walking around and talking to guests, so I throw on the most expensive looking outfit I have and get to work. My shift ended at ten o'clock at night, and I came back home to order a pizza for dinner. While eating, I decided to put on Stranger Things on Netflix and watched it until I felt I should address the issue. Do you think we're done? 

A/N: Hey guys! I'm trying to get more imagines and preferences updated for you guys at the moment! :D Also, 12,000 reads?! I never imagined that this book would get that far. I just imagined having just a few people read my book, but never 12,000! I really couldn't be happier with the way it turned out and it's because of you guys. Thank you for making me smile and continue on with this book. I cannot express how happy I am right now! Thank you so much! Stay strong and stay beautiful, lovelies.