Finding Me

him

I don't think he's gonna break me even when he ecnores  me or doesn't answer my messages i know he cares. How do i know he cares one because every time i try to leave and walk away he calms me down and tells me not to talk like that.

When i need it he reminds me that I'm important to him and I'm someone special. He tells me if i left he would be effected. He cares i just haft to remind myself of that sometimes because though i trust him its hard. Its hard not to want to blow up his phone begging him to talk to me. Its hard holding on. Its hard not letting my anxiety get the best of me. I wont let him go.

He's so different. He says he trusts me and am i a full to trust him. He calls me kitten and it affects me like nothing else ever has. My breath shortens my chest tightens and a smile ever so slightly.

But he's my best friend and though i have feeling for him i would never ruin our friendship by admitting to them. I wonder if he knows that i feel things for him. I wonder if he feels the same. I part of me believes he doesn't and another believes he douse. I know i should walk away and save myself why'll i can but i cant find it in me to leave completely.

Not when I'm getting closer to breaking down all those walls. And i wont give up till i get to comfort him and let him know he doesn't haft to guard his walls from me or guard his heart  from me. I want him to know I'm not gonna hurt him.

I'm not gonna hurt him because from a young age i wanted him. He is a broken piece i intend to save and keep one way or another. Only to find out how to climb his walls that are built as high as mine.

Now he's going on dates with this girl. I've never even heard of this girl before and now he's spending all his time talking to her and he has no time for me. I don't know i guess I'm jealous. I don't want to loose him and i don't want her anywhere near him.

I want him all to myself. But i also want him to be happy. Because i of all people know how long he's been alone and in search of someone to love him. So i haft to let her love him cause if he wanted me to love him he would tell me.