smile | cth

8- too much

So somehow I end up getting pancakes with Luke one Sunday afternoon. He makes me laugh, he makes me smile, and he makes me forget about any problems. 

What I like, is he shows me this real and innocent side to him. While we're on the date, he lets his inner child escape and shows me that he can be immature and one of those people who laugh at everything. 

At some point, he drops one of his pancakes in his lap and smears Nutella across his crotch. "Aw man!" He exclaims, grabbing a glass of water and dumping it on his jeans. He then just stares at the empty glass like he can't quite believe he did that. "Did I seriously just-?

"Yep." I laugh, watching him in amusement. 

"This isn't funny! It looks like I peed my pants!" He screeches, laughing loudly. 

We end up laughing about it and staying until his  jeans have dried. We're just about to leave when the door to the shop opens and I look, immediately looking down again. 

Calum's parents are making their way to a table, and the only spare table is right beside me and Luke's. 

"Oh, Jade. Hello." Mrs Hood says slowly, her eyes sweeping up and down my body as Luke makes his way to his feet. "And this is?" She looks at Luke like he's dirt but he shoots her a dazzling smile. 

"Mrs Hood, this is Luke. Luke, Mrs Hood." I mumble, and Luke holds out his hand but she just stares at it. 

"He's awfully tall, don't you think?" She says, screwing her nose up and glancing at her husband. "And Jade, I see you still haven't lost any weight." 

Ouch. 

Then Mr Hood thinks it's a good time to speak up. "And look, she's still doing her eyebrows far too dark." 

"Ah, far too much makeup. Looks absolutely terrible." 

I keep my eyes on the floor and mutter a goodbye, bravely grabbing Luke's hand and dragging him from the store. He's speechless, and not in the good way. 

"Don't listen to them, okay?" He finally says, pulling me in to his embrace. "I like you just how you are." He's sweet, but it doesn't really make me feel better. "Calum has to live with that?" 

I give a small nod. "Now do you understand?" He keeps my hand and starts walking me down the street. 

"Totally. If I was him I'd want to punch them every time they spoke." 

"I think he wants to, trust me." We walk in silence for a while, Luke swaying our hands back and forth with every step. He is much taller than me, but I definitely think it's one of the many things that make him so attractive. There's something oddly comforting about being with him in silence, maybe it's because he isn't silent very often, or maybe it's because it gives me time to think. 

"I'm going to kiss you again." He whispers, stopping. I turn to look at him and smile. He very gently brushes a lock of hair from my face, using that same hand to cup my cheek. I can sense how nervous he is, so I smile softly before he finally rests his lips on mine. 

He kisses me sweetly and with care, like he's scared of breaking me. His hands stay in place, but his kiss anything but still. It's the sort of kiss that makes you weak in the knees. 

For some reason, I find myself imagining that he's Calum. 

Calum

My biggest fear? Spiders, the dark, clowns, small spaces. All of the average answers, but what is my biggest fear? My mum's harsh words, my dad's deathly glares, what Ashton and Luke say behind my back? 

No. None of these things bother me enough to be my biggest fear. 

What bothers me the most is that at any moment, Jade could get up and leave me. She's my best friend, I always push her away, but she's the only one who fights her way back. She has no real reason to stay, who needs a best friend who acts like they don't care? 

So, my biggest fear? That one day she sees the light and realises she doesn't need me. I'm a dead weight. I'm going no where.