smile | cth

6- you feel responsible

I'm too busy daydreaming to notice that my History teacher has actually stopped talking and is handing out paper for us to write an essay on. Calum has been taken out of class by one of the counsellors to talk about playing for the school soccer team. Class feels different without him. 

In the last few days, Calum's been practically living at my house, I've also managed to avoid Luke a bit, and I think Shawn has realised that I don't want Luke or Ashton hanging around as much and is spending time at their houses rather than at ours. I just know that if Luke and Calum were to bump into each other, Luke would start spinning some lie about me and him. 

"Miss Bennett?" The voice seems to echo around the classroom before I realise that that's my name. 

"Uh- yes?" I stutter, sitting up straight and glancing down at my blank paper. The people on either side of me have already written a few paragraphs. 

"There's someone here to see you." The teacher says, nodding towards the door. It's Luke. Great, just great. "Finish your essay at home. You are dismissed." 

I stand up slowly to annoy Luke and shove the piece of paper into my bag, crumpling it in the process. 

"What do you want?" I snap at him once we're in the corridor. 

"I wanted to do this." 

Then he leans down and presses his lips to mine. I'm so caught off guard that I find myself kissing back, because even though he's the most arrogant and irritating person I've ever met, he's a damn good kisser. 

His lips are soft and he knows what he's doing, his hands hold the side of my face like he's waiting for me to try and run away. He kisses with a passion, and I try to ignore the fact that he's probably had a bit too much practise. 

Then I remember when me and Calum 'practised' the other day and suddenly I'm comparing Calum's kisses to Luke's. 

Calum's made my heart race, Calum's made my stomach do backflips even if he was was very shy while placing his lips on mine. 

Luke's kiss is a good kiss, definitely, but he feels like he's just trying to prove a point. It isn't special, and sure, it makes my heart race, but that's probably because I'm not getting the chance to breathe. 

The kisses could be just the same for all I care, but I know in my gut, that I'm going to be drawn to Calum because of who he is and what we are. 

"You're thinking about him, aren't you?" Luke says, disappointed, as he pulls away. 

"Sorry." I mumble, looking at the floor. 

"I don't understand you, Jade. He doesn't- you wouldn't- ugh, what do you see in him?" Luke drops to floor and folds up his long legs. 

I shrug and sit on the floor beside Luke. "He's my best friend. You know that." 

"Does he know that you're in love with him?" Luke whispers, his voice barely audible. 

"I'm not- I- I don't love him like that!" I sigh, blushing and leaning my head back. Luke leans his head on my shoulder and starts playing with a strand of my hair. 

"That was the best kiss I've ever had." He whispers, and I honestly do feel terrible for not feeling the same. 

"I wish I could say the same thing." I mumble. I hadn't been expecting him to hear me, so when he suddenly lifts up his head to look at me I'm shocked. 

"What? You're saying, that Calum Hood was a better kisser than me?" He looks offended. 

Now, Calum is my best friend, but he isn't famous for being a good kisser, or for kissing at all for that matter. 

"Man, I need to step up my game." Luke groans, standing up and holding out his hand. I glance at his hand before standing up as quick as I can without his help. "Wow. Two rejections in two minutes." 

"Sorry Luke. I don't like you like that." 

"What, like you like Calum?" 

"No!" 

Luke leads me downstairs and outside. We end up sitting beside the soccer pitches, watching a few of the younger students mess around. "Let me kiss you again," Luke whispers, sliding his hand on top of mine. "Let me show you how it should be done." 

"Luke..." I sigh, turning my head so I'm looking away from him. 

"Hey, you know, I have a theory."

"So?" I don't understand how that has anything to do with anything. 

"If I'm right, you have to let me take you on a date." 

"Hm, and if you're wrong?" 

"I'll leave you and Calum alone." Now things just got interesting. I give him a little nod and shake his hand, waiting to hear his theory. "Okay, so... You know that Calum has some emotional issues and is clearly suffering inside, and you feel guilty and responsible for him. He has no one else, so you dedicate yourself to him. He's weighing you down. He has no one else to turn to, and now you're terrified of hurting him, or your friendship." He pauses, waiting for me to argue. But I don't. "You'll do anything to keep him happy, even if it holds you back." 

"That's not true..." I whisper, but I'm thinking about what he said. 

"Jade?" 

"I need to go Luke." I jump up to my feet and grab my bag, holding a hand over my mouth to stop myself from crying. 

"Jade! Wait!" Luke is shouting after me, but I ignore him and walk away as fast as I can. 

I try to convince myself that everything he's being saying isn't true but it is, it 100% is. I love Calum like a brother, but maybe, I do stop myself from doing thing because of him. Whatever it is, I need to see him now.