Open Your Heart (Ben Bruce Fan Fic)

I'm Living A Lie

Song: Easier To Lie by Cassadee Pope

Lila

"Look, Lila, I'm sorry, but I didn't want you to think that I was cheating on you or anything," Ben explain. I didn't understand how anyone would think he was cheating on me after that phone conversation. It was obvious he hated the girl's guts. I was just angry that he would lie to me about something so small and stupid.

"And the best way to prove your fatefulness is to lie to me? Honestly, you lying to me just makes me think you are cheating on me," I shouted back. I had tried to hide my anger, but I couldn't anymore and it was coming out in full force. How could he think lying would make our relationship?

"Lila, I'm not cheating on you. She's just a clingy bitch who won't let me go. I don't know how much of the conversation you heard, but I think I made it pretty obvious that I hate her," he insisted. I knew he wasn't cheating on me. Well, I knew he was cheating on me with that girl. His lying had just made me doubt his trustworthiness. I just wanted him to feel bad for his mistakes.

"I just don't get why you would lie about something so stupid, though, Ben. I thought I could actually fucking trust you, but if she's just someone to 'fuck' how do I know you don't have more girls like that," I yelled. Now that I knew he had lied, my mind was racing with possibilities of other things he had lied about. I knew Ben and the rest of the band had a reputation for sleeping around. For all I knew, he could have girls all over the world that he was planning on fucking behind my back. "God, why did I actually think you could be in an actual relationship?" I murmured to myself. I knew he was a "bad guy" but I still had thought he was trustworthy and fateful. I had given up my whole life for him. I had broken up with a guy that everyone thought was perfect. I had defended him to my best friend, who only shunned me afterwards. He and the band were the only people I had anymore and I wasn't even sure about that anymore. I had risk my whole life for Ben because I loved him and all he done was lie to me.

"Lila, I can be in a serious relationship. I can be in a relationship with you because I love you and I only love you. I know I shouldn't have lied to you, I know how it looks, but I also know that Erica means nothing to me and I couldn't care less if she dropped dead, but you are my whole world and I can't afford to lose you over something like so fucking stupid like this," he argued, looking into my eyes. He seemed to be being honest, but I wasn't completely convinced. I valued trust over almost anything in any type of relationship.

Suddenly, Ben's phone started vibrating on the bedspread next to him. Before he could even decline the call, I looked down to see a picture of a smiling girl filling his screen. He hadn't even deleted her number?

"Why don't you don't just fucking block her number?" I asked, folding my arms across my chest. If someone was harassing me on a daily basis the first thing I would do would be delete their contact and block their number so I wouldn't have to put up with them anymore.

"Because that would just make it worse. If I blocked her she would go even more crazy. She would probably just use someone else's phone. She would probably fly here to make sure everything was ok with us. Lila, she's did some fucked up shit while we were together," he insisted. I had no idea how insane this girl was, but he had to exaggerating. I just shook my head and continued on with our fight.

"Ben, relationships are based off of honestly. How am I supposed to trust you now if you lied about something so small? If this girl means nothing to you, why would you lie and risk our relationship?" I asked, my tone full of anger. I didn't understand why he needed to keep this girl a secret if she meant nothing to him. In my opinion, it would have been easier for him to tell me about her than to lie to me multiple times about her.

"I was trying to find the right way to tell you," he answered. I could totally understand him wanted to confront me about this when we were alone and not around the rest of the band, but we had been alone plenty of times over the last few weeks. He had plenty of opportunities to tell me.

"You couldn't just say, "my ex-girlfriend is a crazy bitch" instead of lying to me?" I yelled. he made literally no sense to me. "I just don't get it, Ben," I whispered to myself again. I had thought we had a good relationship. Why would he ruin it?

"Lila, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have let it go on for so long, but-" he started.

"You're right, you shouldn't have," I interrupted. I just shook my head before realizing I was going to be really late to work now. "I gotta go to work Ben, we'll talk about this later," I finally said. I could hear him calling my name as I walked down the hallway, but I ignored him. Danny, who was sitting on their couch gave me a look, but thankfully didn't ask me any questions.

I quickly made my way out of the flat and down to my car. I knew I had stayed and talked to Ben I would only say things that I would later regret. I needed time to take everything in and think things over logically before I went back into that flat to talk to Ben.

Unfortunately, by the end of my shift, I still wasn't calm. I was still angry that he lied. I had known him so long and I thought I could trust him. I guess I should have seen something like this coming. I know I was making a big deal out of something that seemed trivial, but the problem was that my trust was broken. How do I know when he actually broke up with her? He could have led her on for a bit while we were together before breaking things up with her. What if while we had been together, he was still talking to her the way he talked to me? I didn't like all these uncertainties. I could just take his word for it, but I was having trouble doing so.

I knew I couldn't go back to Ben and Danny's flat yet. I needed to talk about the situation with someone before seeing him. Unfortunately, I had no one to talk to. I had shut Kelsey out of my life. I sat in my car after my shift going through the contacts in my phone trying to find someone I could talk to. The only person I could see was my sister, Anna. We weren't really close, but she had recently started being really nice to me. I reluctantly hit her contact and my iPhone immediately started dialing her number.