Fix Him Up

①④|Unknown Feelings

The next day I had woken to laying in a comfy bed. I turned to my other side an snuggled closer to the pillow beside me. Or at least that's what I thought it was before it grunted and pulled me close. I was immediately wide awake after that. A shriek escaped my lips as I pushed away from the being.

"Hey! Hey! Chill out dude," a groggy Smiley exclaimed. When I realized it was just him my fear turned to disgust. He had caused me so much pain I wanted nothing to do with him. I pushed myself as far away from him as I could and sat on the edge of the bed.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Sleeping in my own bed. What else?" His tone made him sound highly irritated. I rolled my eyes at his response.

"Yeah, but why am I in it with you?" He only grunted at me as he got out of bed. The curtains were pulled back just a bit and the lighting made him almost attractive.

Key word. Almost.

"Would you have rather slept on an uncomfortable couch with nasty, bloody clothes on? If not then shut your mouth," he snapped. I looked down at myself and notice that the shirt I was wearing was much larger and I had only my boxers on with it.

"The hell!? Don't do that! For all I know you could've chopped my penis off!" I yelled while frantically checking to see if it was still there.

"Jesus fucking Christ kid. Calm down. I only helped."

"Yeah, after almost cutting my fingers fully off," I muttered to myself. I assumed he heard me by the unapproved groan that escaped from him.

"You know what? Next time I'll let you die," he said as he went to grab a shirt from his dresser. I wanted to be grateful but that was hard to do when he had hurt me multiple times. I knew I should've never gone to that appointment. If I hadn't none of this would have happened. Now I had disgusting scars across my stomach, collarbone area, and possibly my hands. I couldn't stand being in the same room as him so I put on my bloody pants and left to the kitchen to grab a drink.

When I had gotten what I wanted I stood by the window above the sink. A major headache was pounding and my hands had an unbearable pain racing through them. I hung my head above the sink and sighed. I couldn't have a normal life. Ever since he nudged his way into my life. And I stupidly let him. I let out a small sigh as a wave of sadness washed over me. I honestly just wanted to cry.

Sudden a pair of arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me close, making me hit a hard chest. I shriek at the surprising gesture.

"Will you stop. It's just me," Smiley husky whispered in my ear. The song of his voice and feeling of his breath on my neck made me shiver. I didn't try to push him away or run. I just sat there, allowing him to hold me. Just a minutes ago I was disgusted by him but now I seemed to enjoy his touch. I had no clue what was wrong with me but I needed to figure it out soon. Smiley lazily plopped his forehead down on my shoulder then let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry, Jason," he mumbled.

"You should be," I sternly replied. He seemed to find my statement funny because he chuckled into my shoulder. I felt heat rise to my cheeks when I heard his laugh. "It's not funny," I said, facing him. His hands were still on my waist as he just smiled at me.

"What's the smile for?" My tone was fairly cautious. For all I knew he could've gone into another one of his episodes.

"Just you. I recently haven't been myself and I blame you." I was utterly confused. What did I have to do with him supposedly not being himself. To me he was still the same murderous, prick. The room was silent as he just stared at me and I stared at the ground. We were so close that it was quite deadly to me. I had no idea why but my heart was beating so fast. I shut my eyes as if it would help me stop hearing it. The silence was horrible but I was afraid to say anything.

Smiley gingerly used his index finger and thumb to push my chin up for me to look at him. His eyes looked tired and droopy as they scanned over my face. Before I knew it those same eyes were becoming closer and closer. I suddenly felt his soft lips against mine. I didn't know what to do. It felt so right but so wrong at the same time. Smiley swiped his tongue across my bottom lip as if asking for entrance but I refused. When I did so he bit my lip hard causing me to gasp which he then took advantage of. His hands traveled from my waist up into my short, brown hair which he grabbed fistfuls of.

I placed my hands on his shoulders, pushing him away and breaking the kiss. He stumbled a few inches back and looked at me. We were both lightly gasping for air.

"I-I need to go f-for a walk," I stammered, my face burning hot and possibly red as a tomato. Without waiting for a response, I booked it out of his clinic. A wave of fresh air hit my face when I made it outside, helping with the heat radiating off my face. I had barely a clue what had just happened. I was disgusted with him one second then almost making out with him the next. My heart had such conflicting feelings. But I knew one thing for sure.

Smiley took my first ever kiss.

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