Fix Him Up

①⑧| Forget Him

Small chimes emitted from my phone signaling me to wake up for the new day. My dream had been a replay of Smiley and I in the park over and over. I still hadn't gotten a full grasp on my thoughts of Smiley. It was like a switch in him had turned on, almost a never ending surprise to me. Somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered how someone could be violent and cruel then suddenly be so loving, so thoughtful.

I didn't want to think of Smiley anymore; I was doing just fine whenever he left. I shook my head a bit to wake myself up and slowly got out of bed. I could smell a clique morning breakfast. Eggs, toast, and lots of whiskey. Ok, maybe not fully clique.

I gathered my clothes from my drawer and proceeded to put them on quickly as my mother's voice made it way down the hall to wake me up. She was too late as I was already alive to the world.

"Oh good! You're up. Breakfast is ready sweetheart," she said with a small smile across her lips. I gave her a quick smile of gratitude as I passed her and gave her a kiss on her cheek.

When I walked into the kitchen, my father was busy reading the stocks and sports section of the newspaper. He took a big swig of his alcoholic coffee then released a big sigh of satisfaction. The bliss smile etched on his lips disappeared when his attention was caught by me grabbing a plate.

"Jason," He grunted.

"Dad," I replied not looking his way. My mother joined us in the kitchen and took her rightful place at the opposite end of the table. Breakfast became utterly silent and I enjoyed it. I could pretend for just a moment that everything was normal. Peaceful. Even maybe somewhat happy. Key word being somewhat.

After finishing breakfast I put my plate in the sink and said goodbye to my parents; making sure to leave a kiss on the top of my mother's head.

"You don't want me to drive you, hon?" My mother called after me.

"Nah, I'm good mom!" And before she said another word to me, I left.

Fall was coming to an end and winter was creping up behind it. Of course I wouldn't get the beachy winter that some places get but I was always excited for the snow that fell. It's so soft and delicate that you try to hold on to it but it just doesn't want to stay. My breath made small puffs of air appear and I found it funny to watch them slowly dicipate. I looked at everything around me. The trees swaying in the morning air, birds flying from being spooked, and all the ants and other bugs that crossed my path on the sidewalk. I followed the cracks on the sidewalk with my eyes as if they were the most entertaining thing.

Everything was normal. Too normal, and it felt nice.

When I got to my bus stop a familiar truck pulled up to me and rolled its window down.

"How's it going, good lookin'?" Alec asked with a smirk on his face. A smile crept its way onto my lips when I finally registered what he had said. "You just gonna stand there looking cute or are you gonna get in?" A chuckle escaped from my lips as I hopped into the truck.

"So Mr. Stalker, how'd you know where to find me?" I peeked over at him to notice that his cheeks were turning a light pink shade.

After he cleared his throat he replied with, "I always take this way to get to school. You just happened to be where I was at the same time."

"Okay, sure," I said laughing a bit. He gave me a pouty look while driving and it was one of the cutest things I had ever seen. The rest of the ride to school was full of really bad sing-a-longs, tash talking certain people, and just enjoying each other's company. It was an amazing feeling to be with Alec like this. Just being with him like this made my heart swell. I kind of felt like a little kid again. But it wasn't enough to fill the little hole I still had for some reason.

Alec pulled into the parking lot of the school and seemed to hesitate when shutting off his truck. He opened his mouth as if to say something but quickly shut it. After climbing out of the truck, he came to my side to help me out. Side by side we walked up to my locker to retrieve my morning books, poking fun at each other on the way. The feeling was nice and it was a feeling I never wanted to lose a hold of.

As the first bell of the school day rang out through the halls, teens of all ages moved their way to their morning classes. Alec and I of course had to go separate ways which was fine. I would end up seeing him later anyway.

"Well I'll see you at lunch, okay?"

"Of course," I replied while giving him a big smile. He returned the smile and began to walk off but something made him turn around. I was confused as to why he was walking back towards me. Maybe he forgot to tell me something? Alec came closer than he was before and pushed my bangs away from my forehead. As quick as he could, he gave a small peck on my forehead then without a word he ran off. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. The small kiss he left behind surprised me and I hadn't noticed how long I had been standing at my locker dazed until the second bell rang.

"Shit!" I muttered under my breath and ran for my first class. Mr. Lang stood at the door with a smug look on his face.

"Late again, Jason."

"Yes, I know," I mummbled back. "I had something important to do unlike other people," I continued as I walked to my seat. A cold glare was sent my way as he cleared his throat. For the next couple hours of school I was on repeat. Go to class, listen to a lecture, do some work, then go to my next class. It was quite boresome but my mind wasn't strait.

I know I told myself not to think about him but it's hard not to with something so serious. Smiley blantanly told me he loved me, or he thinks he does while Alec is giving subtle hints as to how he feels. It was then that it dawned on me Alec had kissed me where Smiley did the night before. And just like that, Alec's kiss didn't feel very special after that.

Aside from that Alec had never hurt me unlike Smiley which was the major issue. Who hasn't hurt me the most? Who do I feel safer with? Who do I truly love the most? I didn't have a real, solid answer but my choices were weighing more towards Alec if I were to be honest with myself. I felt like I could be myself around him and I just felt my best around him. But Smiley. He had this mysterious atmosphere about him that made me be drawn to him more and bit over time. 

Before I knew it, the bell had rung once again and the period was over. Of course, I learned nothing considering I spent most of my time "day dreaming" I guess you could say. But it was okay, I would just steal notes from someone in the class later on. As per usual on a boring school day, classes weren't too exciting to really pay attention in. Except physics. Physics was always pretty fun. But anyway. Soon enough lunch had came around and I was eager to see Alec as well as my friends. When I arrived to my usual table I was bombarded with cheers and laughter. 

"There's my gay boy!" The whole table spun around at Tyler's comment and a  smile was on everyone's face.  Seeing everyone so happy filled my heart with joy and I soon forgot about everything I was worried about earlier.  Jokes and laughter could be heard throughout the whole table and we all were in a good mood.

I guess it was easy to forget about him.