Fix Him Up

①⑥|If Only

I couldn't breath. Everything felt so numb and distant to me. It was as if I could try to reach from someone but they'd slip right past my fingertips. It was bitterly cold too. A temperature so chilling it went down to the bone. I had no clue where I was or how I got here. To be completely honest, this seemed to happen more often. Same numb feeling, same cold temperature, and the same distant feeling. I tried to speak but words wouldn't form. Not even a small sound escaped.

I shut my eyes tightly and counted to ten in my head. When I had reached the final number, I opened my eyes to an all to familiar scene. I was in my cozy, safe room. I let out a sigh of relief but still could hear nothing. Something was off besides the fact that it was utterly silent. I left my room and went down the hall to see the kitchen and living room completely empty. My parents room, empty. My dad's office, empty. I was the only one home.

I made my way back in to my room and kept my head looking down at my feet. I was shocked when I heard a familiar voice.

"Hello Love." My head shot up to my bed, Smiley sat nonchalantly on the edge of it. I wanted to scream and yell at him to leave but nothing came. I touched at my neck as if it would help. Smiley had quite a smirk laced on his lips and it bothered me too much. Being fed up with the idiot, I walked up to him and stared at him with a deathly glare.

Smiley only smiled and leaned in close to whisper in my ear, "You look sexier when angry." I gave him a disgusted look and pushed him away from my ear. As I backed up, he grabbed my wrist in response and pulled me in the area between his legs.

"You can't get away that easy Sweetheart." He nuzzled his face into my neck and began nibbling softly on my neck. I sudden wave of pleasure engulfed me as he did so. He trailed up until he reached my jawline, stopping and making me crave it even more. As each second past, I grew more impatient for his lips to be on mine. I didn't know what came over me but I couldn't seem to stop it.

Every place his hands went, it felt like shocks of electricity on my skin. He was a drug and I was addicted. I need more. I wanted more.

I couldn't stand him teasing me any longer and grabbed his face with both my hands. His face went from a look of shock to lust real quick. His looked ands though they had became darker. Smiley grabbed me by the hips and quickly flips us on the bed so that he was on top. The movement was so quick that at first I was surprised. My mind trailed away from logic as his hands began to roam again.

Smiley reached the hem of my pants and looked up at me.

"You're mine. You belong to me," he whispered.

**

I shot up out of bed confused and dazed. Running my hands through my hair, I began to question what I had just dreamed about. Just hours before I was crying and trying to push Smiley out of my life. Now I was having dreams of him and finding pleasure in them. I knew I didn't like him that way at all. I actually despised him more that anything. I shook my head trying to forget the dream and went into the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face.

"It's all in you're head, you don't feel that way," I muttered to myself after each handful of water hit my face. It felt nice to actually hear something besides Smiley's voice in my head. I sighed and went back to my bed. Glancing at the clock I realized I had a few minutes before my alarm for school would go off. I turned it off seeing as I wouldn't need it and began to get ready for school. I couldn't see as to why I had dreamed about him.

"Maybe I am going insane," I said aloud. I let out a nervous chuckle and then said, "I'm even talking to myself. Great!" A small knock came from my door.

"Honey, are you alright? Are you talking with someone?" My mother questioned.

"Um yeah mom I'm good. Just talking to myself." She replied with an unsure "okay" and left. I sighed as I grabbed my bag and left my room.

"Today is gonna be a long day," I muttered.

I gave my mother a quick kiss on the head and said my goodbyes as I went out the door. My mother had asked multiple times if I wanted to get a ride with her but I refused each time. I need to be in an environment that no one would talk to me, especially early in the moring. So I thought I'd take the bus.

When the bus arrived it was still empty and quite as it was in middle school. I felt a wave of relief as I chose a seat in the back. I could feel a small smile form on my lips when I rested my head on the window and put in my ear buds. It was nice to be by myself instead of listening to my mother ramble on about how my father loves me deeply. I love my mother but at times she can be a bit much.

The ride to school was long, just about ten minutes, so enough time to clear my head of everything I wanted to forget for the day and be happy. I knew that seeing my friends would help more than anything. Around them I could forget the whole world if I wanted to. At times I wish I could do that. But for now, little moments were good enough to forget.

The busses let all the kids off and on school grounds. As soon as I came in sight if my table, a group of smiles formed. That even included Alec and he was the first to speak.

"So how was your weekend?"

"Heh, it was something," I replied while scratching the back of me head.

If only you knew...