The Harry Diaries ( A Larry Stylinson Story )

Chapter 5: Separate Ways

One of those days, the management reunited us in a meeting again... i was thinking... what we did now? Turned out , the management wants us to be as separated as possible...

- What? but, why? - Louis asked

- Some fans are noticing that there is more than a friendship between you two, so, no more sitting together on interviews, no more hugging on stage, and please, no more sexual innuendos, didnt we talk about it already?

-  You cant separate us - I protested

- Newsflash, yes, we can or you will lose your job, you choose.

- You are going to kick me out of the band? Please, im the most popular one, you said it  yourself.

- True but we rather kick you of the band than to have a gay one in the group and ruin the whole image of the rest of the band.

- You are  just an homophobic pig, im out of here.

- Harry! 

Louis called me but i was so mad and pissed that i didnt even listen to him. I leave and went directly to hotel room where Louis found me.

- Harry, you cant leave like that.  And what are you doing? 

He asked noticing that I was packing my stuff.

- Im going home

- You cant quit Harry, not now, we are in a middle of tour!!

- Fuck the tour, fuck everything

- Harry, listen to me please

Louis grabbed me by the waist and pulled me towards him.

- We can do this.

- Being separate? those mother fuckers homophobics want to separate us! 

- They are not really going to separate us, we are just going to pretend that they are...

- I had enough of this Louis, i didnt sign up for this! and Im famous enough, i can make my own solo career, i dont need any of this.

- But you are going to disappoint your fans

- My fans are going to support always, no matter what

- What about the contract? You know we have a contract with those people, we cant quit

- I dont know what else to do Louis, im tired of this.

- Remember your tattoo. Wont stop till we surrender

- And i think i have surrender...

- But not me

- I love you Louis, i just need some time to think about things

- What do you mean with that? are you breaking up with me?

- Dont take it like a break up, just  a space, for a while, to think this

- I dont have anything to think about

- Please Louis

- You dont love me anymore....

- I do!

- No. You gave up too easily...

Louis was clearly upset... i dont blame him. But i had so much over my shoulders and in  my mind at this moment that i just needed  to take a breath.

I didnt leave the hotel but instead i went to the bar  and just drink while thinking what to do with my life..

I just thought.... if i continue this relationship with Louis, we are only going to get hurt, Management is not going to leave us alone and will keep pushing us to do what they want.

Maybe, we were better as just friends for now and someday when all this was over, maybe we could get back...

I thought about this possibility... I love Louis way too much to make him go through all this crap, maybe i could just let him go and let him be happy with that girl...

The tour was over. Louis and I barely speak to each other in those following weeks. When we got back home, i knew everything was over between us. And it hurts like hell...

We had a couple of days free to be with our family and then we were going back to the studio to record our second album.

I never could coincidence with him, everytime i went to the studio to record my vocals, he wasnt there. I wanted to call him, i wanted to ask him to forget me...but id rather let  him go... i thought...if we really were meant to be together, i know we will get back someday...

During the days we were recording our second album, i decided to embrace my single life as a gay guy and hit some gay clubs.

I hooked  upwith some guys that i just met.. but i still felt empty.. no one would make me feel the way Louis did. 

I felt like, i wouldnt never be ever to love someone the way i love him...