They Found Out | C.F. & O2L

Chapter 3

Connor's P.O.V.
I lay up all night with Kian next to me. He refused to leave me alone after my breakdown. I never considered that as a breakdown, but if he does, it must mean something, right? If he thinks of that as a breakdown, I'm even more bad then I thought I was.

When it hits 6 o'clock I have enough of lying in my bed staring at the ceiling. I get downstairs and brew my usual morning cup of coffee. I sit down on the counter and grab a glass from the cupboard above me and pour the coffee into it. I have never been such a fan of sugar, so I just put in a little bit, enough for a little sweet taste to the coffee.

The other boys enter the kitchen just as I take a sip from my coffee. They look really tired. I'm alright, even though I have been up all night. "Hey!" I tell them as they all sit down at the table. I don't get any response from the boys. "What's going on?" I ask them. Still no response. "I'm gonna get dressed." I sigh as I stand up taking my coffee with me upstairs to get dressed.

Jc's P.O.V.
"Guys. I think we need to talk about Connor." Kian speaks up once Connor was inside his room. We heard him shutting his door. "What about him?" Ricky asks him. "Yesterday, when I went to bring him something to drink he was inside his bathroom. I have no idea what he did there, but once he got out... I knew he had been crying and was trying to hide it from me. I hugged him and he broke down completely. He cried and I stayed with him all night. I don't think he even slept." He explains to us while he is looking down at the table the whole time.

"Do you think he ..?" Trevor never spoke the end of his sentence, but we all understood him when he made gentle clues with his wrists while looking at them. "Oh god, I hope not." Is what Kian responded with. I have to say I am quite surprised by this. I don't know what to do with this. I mean, I love Connor to death as any of these boys. I can't lose Connor over suicide. I don't want him to harm himself. I don't want him to get bad again. It was horrible last time. He was neglecting himself so badly. He looked horrible, wasn't paying any attention to himself anymore.

He was so depressed and he wasn't Connor anymore. He just wasn't. And it hurt so much. It hurt us all so bad to watch him do this to himself. To see him go through so much pain. And it never stayed with us. People around us noticed too. His family, other youtubers and even Troye and Tyler mended themselves in to help and support Connor through everything. I hope we don't have to do that again. I hope we can help Connor to prevent that from happening again. We all spiralled down. We've had so many fights and so many sleepless nights that at some point we stopped counting the days. We even had someone tell us to get Connor into a mental hospital.

"But what can we do? He's not going to let us help him. You know that. He rather does everything himself." Trevor tells us. "I know, but maybe Sweets can try and will come through to him. He can't go on like this and you all know it, whether you like it or not." Kian answers. I do think he needs help, but he's not going to accept any of it. I know him and he knows we think he needs help, but all that is not going to make a difference. He is stubborn and I can't blame him for it. What I'm feeling guilty about, about that particular memory, is that we almost did that.

What happened was that we were having a fight once again, which tired us all out so much, because our fights were bad and so many harsh words were screamed and yelled. I think it's a miracle none of us ended up in the hospital from a physical injury. But in that fight it ended up in him daring us to put him away in such thing. And Ricky already got his arm, ready to drag him out into the car to drive him off, as we really had no clue on how to help him in any way anymore. We thought that if we didn't bring him there, we would lose him. Forever.

Troye saved his back. I knew it was unfair to cry my feelings out at some close friend, as I knew I had to talk about Connor. I didn't want to talk about Connor like that to someone he knows, because I knew I could say things about him that he'd rather not have told someone. I chose Troye. I knew that if I went to him, I could actually talk about anything and I knew he would listen and even know what to do and what advice to give me if I needed some.