To be honest, I wasn't ready to face my fear.
Not one bit.
But I needed to do it for her.
On the way, Christina sits next to me On the train.
She looks at me with her big, brown eyes and whispers "sorry four. I didn't mean to get you like that today."
I was going to say 'its fine', but I have a new theory that most things in life are not 'fine' and 'okay', though people say that it is. I look at her dead in the eye and respond:
"Christina. I miss her like hell. That's the truth. I wish I would've died. Not her. Or even me and her. I just don't want to live another day without her."
I here my own words and think that sounds selfish, but she stares at me for a moment and nods.
"Hey, want me to lighten the mood? I have a joke I told Tris that I didn't tell you!" Her eye brows go up and down. And I laugh.
"Here we goo" Cara says, smiling.
She tells me stupid jokes about Tris and me.
"So then I was like 'whats up with you and four? A little addition? Multiplication?"
and even how stupid they sound, Me and everyone else laugh until our stomachs hurt. It feels good to laugh.
To smile.
To have tears come out of my eyes, but not from sadness.
To be in the sunlight.
To be..happy.
Of course. We get to Zeke's surprise. My hands feel sweaty already, it's not really a surprise.
We quickly jump off the train, still not in 'the fringe' as they call it. Instead, it's the same height building, but has spray paint on it.
My eyes get a little be cloudy. I blink them away to see the beautiful art work.
It's three birds. Like Tris' tattoo. Flying like freedom is something everyone has. Underneath the art it says "be brave Tris. We love you."
Zeke and Cara stand next to me. There arms around my shoulders.
"You--you guys did this?"
Cara just smiles, but Zeke responds.
"We know you loved her. Bro."
Then. I realize something.
I wasn't here to face my fear today.
They made this for me.
For her.
For us.
