I dream about her tonight. But it's not my usual dreams, the ones of the memories we had; or were going to have.
Instead. I pictured myself doing everything I can. Every fear I've never faced. Every dauntless thing I could ever imagine. Because either I stay with my friends, or go with Tris. I don't know if I smile at the thought or not, but I know I wake up with one. I don't know why, but I do think she's happy up there. She does have her parents, Uriah, Marlene, Lynn, doesn't she?
But she doesn't have me.
And, I don't have her.
But you know, we mend over the years.
Yesterday, Tris turned 18.
I'm around the age of 20. I really don't celebrate my birthday. 'Its an act of selfishness', as my father would say.
I still remember the first time I met her. When Her warm, small hand grabbed mine as I took her off the net.
She looked up at me, but didn't smile.
I remember her tattoos.
I remember her laugh.
I remember her cry.
I remember her saying 'Tobias' instead of 'four'.
And then, then I remember her saying "i love you" for her last breath I heard.
To be honest, I don't want to cry. I want to be happy for her.
But I sit on the couch.
How couldn't I cry over someone who was my world. When I didn't know my mom was alive, and how I was terrified of my dad, she was the one with me. The one who protected me from Marcus.
She was my family.
I was her family.
After grieving my own pain for a while, I check my watch and it's 11:30. Most people are awake by now. I rub my eyes. I know Tris would've not want to seen me cry. Or maybe she did she it.
I know she probably saw it. She's sneaky, after-all.
I laugh at the thought, and go into my bedroom to get dressed.
And..a girl is there. One I haven't seen in years.
Tris.
