I just wanted to be free

Thinking there's something I could've done to save your soul

Kier stayed like this for a while, it got later and later, darker and darker until Shane called him "Hey Kier! It's already late as fuck! When are you gonna come inside?" Without even reacting to Shane, Kier stood up, walked past Shane without any answer, he didn't even look at him. Kier went to his room, with his head down. He went to bed and cried into the pillow until he fell asleep.

Laurence slowly went into Kiers room without knocking on the door. As silently as he could, he walked to Kiers bed. Carefully he sat down on the bed next to Kier. He doesn't wanna wake him up. Laurence watched Kier sleep for a short while before softly whispering in his ear "please don't cry, sweetheart. I'm always here, I won't ever leave you!" He gently kissed Kiers forehead and whispered "I love you" as he cuddled close to Kier.

Kier woke up from this dream in the middle of the night, thinking this really happened "Laurence? How is this possible?" he asked confused but then realized that the space in the bed next to him is empty. Even more confused than he already was, he got up and walked around the whole flat and kept calling Laurences name. As Kier walked past Shanes room, Shane woke up from Kier calling Laurences name. Sleepily he went in front of the door and asked Kier "Did you lose your mind Kier?" he asked doubting the sanity of his red haired friend. Kier looked at him "Well, I also have no idea how this could happen, Laurence has just been here. He whispered in my ear not to cry and that he's always here and won't ever leave me. Then he kissed my forehead and told me that he loves me as he cuddled close to me and then I woke up and he was gone." Kier spoke fast, so that Shane had trouble understanding him. He hugged him "Dear, it was just a dream. Go back to bed. Laurence would't want you to lose your mind because of him." Kiers eyes teared up again. Shane said to him, trying to comfort him "You know, He'll be here in your blood til the day you die" Kier wiped away his own tears and walked away, back to his room, quietly, so that Shane didn't hear it, whispering to himself "Which hopefully happens soon!" He went back to bed but wasn't able to sleep the whole rest of the night because he couldn't stop thinking about the dream.

The next morning during breakfast, Kier didn't eat much and kept staring at the empty place on the table, where Laurence used to sit. Even though this place has already  been empty for months because Laurence stopped eating with them after Hendrix died, It still feels weird for Kier that there's noone making inappropriate comments on every piece of meat Drew eats.

It's Sunday morning, The guys all sit together for breakfast. The next day they were gonna leave for tour. As always Laurence needed a whole can of coffee for himself. Drew ate a lot of bacon. Kier, who used to love bacon, tried to resist the urge to eat it because he recently became vegetarian. Laurence quietly moaned "fucking carnivores! I'm about to vomit because of that disgusting smell." He looked at Kier "I'm proud of you, Kier" he said to him, in a much friendlier voice. Kier forced himself to a little smile, while avoiding looking at the bacon. "i will eat bacon once more before I die!" Kier swore to himself while Drew rolled his eyes and muttered "The same procedure as every meal." And continued eating without giving attention to the annoying comments of his band mate. Laurence  kept making those silly comments.

"Kier, you're just staring holes in the air. Please eat something, I don't want you to end up like Laurence. I can't handle losing you." Shane told him. "I'd have nothing against it if I'd end up like him. At least I'll be with him then" he thought and answered to Shane "I'm not hungry at the moment." "It's because of Laurence, isn't it?" Drew asked with a worried look. Kier nodded. Drew said "I never thought I'd ever say this but I really miss his bloody silly comments." Kier continued staring at the empty place on the table. "It's all my fault" Kier said quietly but loud enough for the others to hear. "Don't say that, Kier" Shane softly said to him "You did nothing wrong".  Kier answered to Shane "I did something wrong. Better said: I did everything wrong! I should've pulled my shitty self together and not leave the band! He'd still be alive then! But no! I had to destroy our lives with my fucking selfishness and I killed Laurence!" Drew stood up, walked to where Kier was sitting and hugged him "It's ok Kier, you did nothing wrong, who knows, maybe one of us would've done the same! Sometimes you need to put yourself first." Those words increased his sadness "But Laurence died and it's all my fault" he sniffled. "Sh, it's not your fault, dear. No need to blame yourself." Drew spoke to him, trying to comfort him while still hugging him.

After breakfast, Kier went to his room again. He took a picture of him with Laurence that he has in his room. This picture shows Kier, with his bolster around his neck, asleep on Laurences shoulder and Laurence smiling widely. He sat on the floor and stared at this picture. He silently said to the picture "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to kill you. I just wanted to be free, but I didn't want to pay this price!" He closed his eyes for a little moment, remembering how this photo was taken.

The guys just came back into the van after an exhausting but amazing concert. They have a very long drive ahead of them, so they decided to drive overnight so that they'll arrive in time and hopefully have a little time to relax there, when they arrived. Since Kier, as usual, had a few drinks after the concert, he wasn't sober enough to drive  right now, so Shane decided to drive since he stayed completely sober. On the back seat of the van, Laurence and Kier sat next to each other. Kier had, as always his bolster around his neck and laid his head on Laurences shoulder. "This was fun" Kier said, smiling at Laurence. "Yeah, it was as awesome as you are" Laurence agreed, smiling. Kier whispered to him "I love you" before he fell asleep with his head still on Laurences shoulder. Laurence couldn't help but take a photo of them and said, quiet enough to not wake Kier up, with a big smile on his face "I have to post this! This is so cute." Drew couldn't help but make keveridge comments.

Kier opened his eyes again and continued staring at the photo with tears falling down on it. After some time he gently wiped away the tears from the photo and put it back to where he took it from. He laid down on the bed and starred at the wall. After doing so for a moment he whispered "Laurence, I need you. Hopefully I'll be back with you soon." With those thoughts running around his head, he began to make his fatal plan.