Adam’s POV
When I woke up from the surgery they had to do on my arm I was quite baffled. I saw this guy about my age that looked kinda familiar, but I don’t really remember him. He tried to give me a kiss on the cheek though…right in front of Sauli! The NERVE of some people, I swear.
I looked over at Sauli and he was smiling. His eyes were red like he’d been crying but I guess that was expected if your boyfriend almost died. Wait, why was I here exactly? The doctors said I was really lucky neighbors heard the gunshots…gunshots…why was I being shot at? I can’t remember…
“Adam, they said you can leave tomorrow if everything feels alright!”
“That means another day of this shitty hospital food. What a guy would do for a good burger around here!”
“Oh Adam of all the things you could be worried about you choose food. That’s one of the many reasons I love you.”
For some reason I couldn’t say it back, like, I felt like I shouldn’t. I was just being silly of course. I just kind of yawned and told him I was really tired and I should probably rest. He said he’d be right there when I woke up. I let my eyes close and my body sink back into a dark, warm sleep.
When I woke up I looked over and Sauli was sleeping. He had his head hanging back in what looked like a very uncomfortable position. I’ve been in this bed for too damn long. Since he’s asleep and there’s no one else here to stop me I decided to get up and walk around for a bit. I slowly put both of my feet on the ground and stood up. My arm was in a sling so I used my good one to help me push myself off the bed. I think just about every joint in my body popped. It felt really good to stretch. I walked over to the doorway and looked around to see if anybody was around. It must be pretty late because no one was anywhere to be seen. Kind of creepy actually. I went into the waiting room and I saw it was pitch black outside, you know, apart from the bright city signs and cars driving past. It was really pretty but the effect sort of wear off on you after a while. I stared out the big window for a bit and started thinking about how I’m going to have to practice a ton after I get out tomorrow… I’m not sure I even remember how to sing! Ha… hopefully they all forgive me for getting shot. That’s really strange they haven’t come to visit me… I thought at least Tommy would. Tommy? TOMMY! Oh my fucking god Adam you’re so fucking stupid. I remember now. I remember everything. I’m such an idiot how could I be such an idiot?!? I broke up with Sauli and I love Tommy. I ran back to my room and took the gown off and replaced it with a T-shirt and sweatpants. I put on my leather jacket, (and checked the pocket to make sure my phone was inside) slipped on some sneakers and was about to head out. Crap. Sauli is going to wonder where the fuck I went… I’ll text him after I leave since I don’t want to take the chance of him waking up while I’m still here. I called for a cab and waited outside. It was sprinkling but it actually felt kind of good. I saw a guy smoking a cigarette pull up and I got in the back. He wouldn’t have gone back to his house… he’d never want to go back there. Whose house would he have gone to?
“Where you wanna go kid?” He said in a scruffy tired sounding voice.
Ashley’s house is only about a half a mile from the hospital! I’d bet money he went there. I told the driver the directions and he drove over there way too slowly for my liking. I sent a quick text to Sauli saying I left and I’d explain everything later. I paid the driver and ran up to the door. I checked to see if it was locked and then slowly opened it. I saw Tommy lying on her couch with a blanket over his body covering everything but his head. I started crying but I tried not to make any noise since I’m sure Ashley was sleeping. I kissed Tommy’s cheek and noticed he had a cut on his forehead probably from that prick who raped him. God I loved Tommy. I wanted him to feel safe and never be hurt like that again. I really don’t know why I came here at 2 o’clock in the morning to find him. I knew he’d be asleep. I just couldn’t wait. I grabbed the extra blanket that was sitting on the recliner and decided I’d crash here. I doubt Ash would mind. I extended it back so it was more flat. It was pretty comfortable actually… really warm too…
I woke up and saw the light coming in from the cracks in the blinds behind me. I stretched and pushed the recliner back into its normal position. Tommy was still sound asleep on the couch.
“Hey sleepy head… want some eggs?” I heard Ashley’s voice chime in from the kitchen. She’s always been such a morning person.
“Yeah, sure, thanks Ash.”
I saw Tommy wiggle a little like he was starting to wake up so I went over into the kitchen so I could talk to her without waking him. While she was making our eggs I explained everything to her.
“Ashley I’m such a terrible person.”
“Don’t say that hun… you practically saved his life. It isn’t your fault anyway. Tommy told me you hit your head pretty hard… and that shit medicine they give you in the hospital probably didn’t help any. Babe, don’t be so hard on yourself.”
She was putting the eggs on our plates and I hugged her and started crying over her soft pajama top t-shirt, causing her to almost spill them all on the floor.
“Adam it’s okay shhh… he’s right over there so when he wakes up you can tell him everything you just told me.” We went over and sat at the table to eat our eggs when we heard Tommy yawn and say “good morning Ashley.”
“Tommy!” I ran over and hugged the shit out of him.
“What the fuck Adam?” He pushed me away and sat up. That’s when I saw his torso was all wrapped up. God damn. He broke his ribs too.
“Look Tommy I can explain everything…”
“I don’t want your explanations. You love Sauli. I get it. I was a rebound. Whatever. You don’t have to lie to me anymore.”
I looked down and held his hands. That’s when I realized he had long deep cuts along his wrists. I couldn’t hold in my tears. They kept pouring out. I did this to him. I made him do this to himself. I looked up and Tommy looked really confused. I turned his hand over so the whole inside forarm was showing.
“Tommy…” I said softly.
He didn’t respond and turned his arm back over quickly, pulling his hand from my grip.
“What? Why do you care? I just slipped and cut up my arm okay no big deal.”
I kissed his cheek and stood up. I wasn’t going to be in his life anymore. Not if I hurt him this much.
“Tommy I love you. Seeing what I did to you is too much for me to handle. I’m out of your life for good. You won’t have to worry about me hurting you. Please just never do that to yourself ever again.”
I kissed his forehead, grabbed my jacket, and slipped on my sneakers. I shut the door behind me and started walking. I felt my phone vibrating but I didn’t answer it. Whether it was Sauli, Tommy, Ashley… or anyone for that matter, I didn’t want to talk. I kept walking and I saw a cute couple pushing their toddler around in a stroller. They seemed so happy with each other. I blew any chance of love I had in my life already. I might as well get used to being alone.
I’m not sure where I’m going. It’s such a nice day out even though the shittiness of my life sort of ruins it. I walked over to the park across the street and breathed in the cool air. It felt so fresh and crisp. I lied down on the soft grass and thought about how amazing my life had actually been, up to this point. Without Tommy though, I’d probably die. I’d die of a broken heart. But for a split second while lying there, something reassured me everything would be alright. I had to keep living… for what I don’t know… but for something. I’d hold on for something.
