If I Leave This World (~Harry Styles~)

Chapter 4

I woke up the next morning feeling extremely nauseous and cold, but well rested for once. I was greeted by my mother and Julie standing in the corner of my room, quietly conversing.

"Morning, sleepy head," my mother said kindly. "How are you feeling?"

I shut my eyes tightly. I really didn't feel well at all. I clutched my stomach.

"I f..feel so-o...." a lump was beginning to rise in my throat and I bent over the side of my bed, dry heaving and desperately trying to vomit. I got out of my bed, ran to the bathroom and threw myself over the cold toilet bowl, immediately throwing up bile. My throat burned from the acidic fluid. I moaned and curled up on the cold floor for a few seconds before forcing myself to stand up and confront Julie and my mother. The look on my mother's face was sympathetic.

"Sweetie," she gave me a tight hug. "You're okay. How about we go lie down?" She gently guided me to the bed and tucked me under the covers. I shivered.

"I'm cold." I said weakly. My mom handed me a wool hat to put over my bald head and a thick bathrobe that I sometimes wear which was draped over a chair next to my bed. I snuggled up, desperately trying to make myself more comfortable.

"Thank you," I smiled faintly. Julie walked over and put her hand on my head.

"Oh, honey," she said with pity in her voice. "You've got a fever for sure. I'm sorry, but I'm gonna put you on another IV. Your body is at a complete loss of fluids, and there is nothing left in your system. That's why you just threw up bile." When she said "IV", I groaned.

"Julieeeee," I half laughed. It seemed like I was always on those things, and she knew how much I hated needles.

"I know, sweetie. I don't need to tell you this again but as you know, the fluids injected into you will make you pretty cold, so guess what? You're gonna get the HEATED blanket! How totally awesome is that?" She kindly teased, trying to make me feel better.

"Shut up," I was laughing now. "Let's just get this over with."

"Alright. I'm gonna go get what you need." She smiled and left the room, leaving me alone with my mom.

"What a great start to the day." I said sarcastically to her.

"You'll be okay, honey. Nurse Julie will make you feel much better." Of course. Of course I'm gonna be okay.

"Yeah," I said, trying not to get too annoyed. "So, mom, I've been thinking about something..."

"What would that be?"

"You know when that representative from the Make A Wish Foundation came to me, like, five years ago and asked me if I wanted anything?"

"Yeah... you said you didn't, if I remember correctly." She said, clearly confused as to where this was going.

"Well, yeah, I did." I started. "But I've been thinking... maybe I should use it for something?"

"Like what? Are you thinking of anything in particular?"

"No, I just..." I lied. I felt weird about telling my mother that I have been thinking about wishing to meet Harry Styles, one of the most popular celebrities today. I felt so... silly. Even if Harry DID accept request to meet him, what then? He would come and visit me, and I would feel pathetic. I don't want anyone's pity, and that's what I know he would give me...well, if he was a normal human being then he would. Everyone pities the girl with cancer, the girl with no hair, the girl with no life except for the hospital, the girl who measures her days by her dreadful treatments and chemotherapy.

It's not the WRONG thing to do, to pity me. But there's something about it that leaves a pit in my stomach. One time, time my friends from middle school came and visited me in the hospital and I threw up blood. I will never forget the looks on their faces. Sure, they were pretty disgusted, but I saw mostly pity on their faces, as though they were thinking 'poor girl, she just can't take care of herself. I don't know how she gets through this.' I felt horrible, as though I was some kind of pathetic, lost puppy that you find on the side on the road with a broken paw or something. Nobody thinks anything of that puppy, nobody expects anything from it. They just pity it.

But then again, it would be an amazing experience to meet my favorite celebrity. Harry inspires me, and it would be an honor to spend a little time with him... if he could, at least. Anyways, whatever pride I had left was destroyed when I curled up in a fetal position on the cold bathroom after puking this morning.

Plus, it's not like he'd remember me afterwards. After all, I'm just another fan, so why not just go for it? Yeah, I didn't want his pity, but I've spent the last six years of my life feeling pathetic and as though I'm just a burden whose life is a giant sob story, so a part of me was used to it. Too used to it to care anymore, really.

"Payton?" My mother nudged me.

"What?" I snapped out of my thoughts. "oh, sorry, I was just thinking..."

"About what?"

"My... my wish. Mom, I actually have been thinking about something in particular." I don't know why I am so nervous to tell her.

"What is it, sweetie?"

"To.... to meet a celebrity."

"Oh? Who would that be?"

"Harry Styles."

"Who's that?"

I mentally facepalmed. "He's in that boyband, One Direction. You know... they sing 'What Makes you Beautiful'...." I chose their only song my mother would have a chance of knowing, even if it was an oldie.

"Why would you want to meet him?" My mother said, as nicely as possible, but I could tell she was confused as to why that would be my wish.

"I just really like their music, and Harry's my favorite and... and I don't know, I just thought it would be really cool, okay?" I said in an exhasperated manner.

"If that's what you really want, Payton... but I'm just warning you, he may not even see the request, so you might want to think of a backup plan."

I tried not to snap at her. "Okay, but we can at least try."

"Are you sure that's what you want?" My mother looked at me steadily.

"Yes. Do you still have Mr. Banke's email?" Mr. Banke was the representative from the Make A Wish Foundation who told me to contact him if I ever decided to use my wish.

"Yeah, he's in my contacts... Do you want me to send the email, or do you want to do it?"

"I do. Can you just send me his email some time when you get home tonight?"

"Sure thing, sweetie."

Julie came back into the room with the things for my IV, and I closed my eyes as the needle entered my vein for what seemed like the thousandth time in my life. She and my mom stayed with me for a few more hours, playing Go Fish and talking about random stuff for a couple more hours, until my mother had to leave.

"I'm sure you'll feel fine tomorrow, Payton." My mother assured me. I mentally groaned and wanted to argue with her, but I had the feeling she was mostly trying to comfort herself, so I simply returned the hug she gave me and agreed with her. Before she left, I made sure to remind her to send me Mr. Banke's email. When she was gone, it was just me and Julie. I briefly thought about telling her my wish, but figured I was too tired, and made a mental note to tell her sometime tomorrow.

I texted Delaina and told her I had some news for her, and before I knew it, I fell asleep.