If I Leave This World (~Harry Styles~)

Chapter 2

"Honey, do you want to make a wish?" My mother asked me. I placed my small palm on the top of my bald head, wincing as the realization hit me once again; I don't have hair.

"No, I....not really." I laughed uncomfortably.

"Nothing? Nothing at all? But..." my mom looked at me with concern etched on her face.

"I just don't want anything, I guess." I replied simply. At just 12 years old, I didn't entirely understand that the whole point of this wish was, essentially, to make my dying wish come true. I didn't think about it that way.

"Well," my doctor began, "you don't have to use it now, but you do get one wish. It can be anything you want!" He got all close to my face and spread his arms out, physically illustrating the "endless" possibilities of this opportunity. "Just think about it. Let us know when you would like to use it, okay sweetheart?"

~~~~~~~

My eyes cracked open slowly. The sun was shining through the window of my hospital room. I stretched my arms above my head and snuggled back under the covers. What time had I slept until? I sat myself up on the white hospital bed and leaned over to check the time, feeling the familiar, gentle tug of an IV needle in my left arm. Gross. You'd think I would be used to needles by now, but to be honest I'm still scared of them. The clock read 10:45, so I didn't sleep in too late. My nurse Julie would be checking on my any minute now, so I just stared at the ceiling under I heard her familiar, friendly voice enter the room.

"Good morning, Payton!" She sounded cheerful as usual, but I could see the dark circles under her eyes. She must be exhausted.

"How's the pain, scale of one to ten?" She pulled her pen out from behind her ear and readied her clipboard. This was a daily question in my life.

"Umm.... Seven." I said. I was usually between a six and seven, so today was starting out just like any other.

"Well, lets see if we can make that a four, dear," she smiled warmly and took out some medications. I swallowed two pills and she had to inject my with more fluids. I winced as the needle entered my veins.

"You should be feeling better in an hour or two."

"Thank you, Julie." I smiled at her and rubbed my arm where the needle had previously penetrated.

"You're so welcome, hon. Anything to make you feel more comfortable." She put her clipboard on a nightstand next to me and sat down on the end of my bed. She placed a kind hand on my leg.

"How are you feeling, Payton?"

"I feel pretty good, I guess. My back has been hurting a bit lately, and I've had a few headaches, but overa--"

"No, not physically. How are you feeling?" She emphasized the last word.

"Oh.." I wasn't used to these kinds of personal questions. "Good! Yeah, I'm good...Hopefully I'll get out of here soon, as much as I love hospital food..." I stifled a chuckle and looked away. Julie smiled at me and stood up.

"Okay," she smiled. "I'm here to talk about anything if you need me, Payton. Just give me a call."

"Thanks, Julie. I'm fine, though." I smiled reassuringly.

"Okay...but don't forget, you can always use your wish!" She laughed and walked out of the room. It was sort of a joke around here that I'm basically the only "older" kid who hasn't used their wish from the Make A Wish Foundation.

Maybe I should use it. After all, if I'm going to be cancer free soon, I should use it while I can, right? After all, it can be anything I want.

Just as I laid my head back down my mother walked into the room.

"Payton, honey, how are you?" She came over and gave me a tight squeeze.

"Hey mom, my back really hurts, actually, but Julie just came and gave me some meds, so.."

"Oh, you're fine! You're a tough little thing, always have been." She smiled as though forcing me to agree with her.

"Yeah," I breathed. That's one thing about my mom. She's been pretty great throughout my treatments, to be honest, but to her I'm always "fine". Maybe it's because she doesn't want to face the fact that sometimes I am not fine, that sometimes this deadly illness can bring me a lot of pain. Either way, sometimes I feel like I am the one who has to be strong, the one who always reassures her that I will be okay.

I'm optimistic about my health, of course, but if there is one thing I've learned from my years of hospital admittance, is that you just never know. Anything could happen.

But my mother doesn't quite understand that, I guess.