❝stay with me.❞
+jeongguk
I HURRY TOWARDS the staircase with a wrapped sushi roll in one of my hands, and scrolling through my contacts with the other. making my way upwards, i open the heavy steel door to strong sunlight shining upon my face, causing my eyes to squint as i blink rapidly.
as soon as my sight is back to normal, i walk towards the centre of the spacious rooftop where a wooden bench is placed for people to rest. as always, it is empty and i lightly brush the surface of it to get rid of any dust before sitting down.
glancing at the timing on my phone, i unwrap the sushi roll and tap 'dial', secretly praying that she recognises my number. the memory of me saving my number as 'your favourite gguk' is clear as day, but i am not sure if she is tech savvy enough to not click on 'delete contact' accidentally.
a few rings pass with my heart pounding in anticipation before the familiar "hello?" answers. a smile tugs on my lips uncontrollably and i squeal, "grandma!"
there is silence for a few seconds and for a moment, i thought she couldn't recognise my voice. but before i can say anything, she replies, "jeongguk?"
"yeah, it's me. i'm sorry i couldn't call you as soon as i reached. things were really messy and i was really tired and just... yeah. i wanted to wait till things have settled before giving you a call. work is fine, i've gotten a position at--"
"tired? oh my, you should get enough rest! is your boss giving you a hard time over there?"
of all things, she chooses to focus on me being tired.
the sushi roll is halfway to my open mouth, but i can't bring myself to chew on it. so i place it down on the wrapper again and merely fiddle with the plastic.
"no, no. i'm okay, i'm really fine. the people here are nice and just..." i trail off, feeling the familiar sting behind my nose. "well, maybe the team leader is a little strict, but that's normal i guess--"
"jeongguk? if it's too hard for you then come back, okay?"
i nearly leap at the offer, but i know it'd be a crazy thing to do. with the phone pressed painfully tight against my ear, as tight as i want to hug my grandma right now, i reply softly, "i will. don't worry about me, i know what to do."
a chuckle from the other end, one that is filled with pride and bitterness. i knows how much we both miss each other, just that i have never been one to openly express my feelings.
with a jolt, i realise how fast time is slipping by and i'll need to be back in the office soon. so in my haste, i take a big bite of the sushi roll while listening to grandma talk about her eventful life. those happenings that i consider tiny, but she treats them as huge, interesting events.
and i don't know when, and why, but the more i listen and mumble in response, the more i feel the heat behind my eyes intensify.
have you ever cried while eating, and end up trying to force the food into your mouth where it eventually goes down as a painful lump?
because i have.
there i sit, crosslegged, on the bench where the breeze is calm and where the distant sounds of incoming trains can be heard. sobbing my heart out. silently, painfully, but as if a burden has been lifted from my heart because there is finally someone whom i can confide in. someone who understands me and is willing to take all of my pain away.
and for that, i am thankful. really, really thankful.
