[JackBarakat] You're The One [Spin-Off | I'm The Only One]

Four.

I feel really dirty. No matter how many times I shower, I still feel gross. And no matter how many times I tell myself that this isn't entirely my fault, I still feel horrible.

He hasn’t talked to me. At all. Not one single text of mine has been answered, and they’ve all been pretty neutral, just saying hi or asking him if he’s coming to the Baltimore art show.

It’s all I can think about: how he won’t talk to me. I want him to talk to me. I miss talking to him. I want to talk to him. I want him to want to talk to me.

To be honest, I don’t even think he’s coming to that, and that’s really important to me. I’ve been getting popular, I really have, but it’s still difficult to get into the Baltimore art show.

This year, though, they want me, and I'm so happy, I couldn’t be any more proud of myself. Getting into that show, it’s an honor, and I want them all there, even Alex.

Jack, he probably hates me. Shit, he probably thinks I'm some gross whore, no better than the girls he’s slept with on his past birthdays.

“Did you pick out what you're going to wear?” Ryan asks, looking up from the magazine she’s reading, sitting on the edge of my bed while I sit on the stool, in front of the easel.

Shaking my head, I swallow the lump in my throat, I don’t, I don’t even want to go anymore. “I'm going to have to buy something new. I’ll go this weekend.”

Maybe one day I’ll learn that my love life is nonexistent and will remain that way forever because I clearly can’t keep things going for long.

Alex, I don’t even know, he wants to be friends, he really does. But, I don’t want to be friends with him, it was hard enough to try to be friends with him after our break up, I can’t look him in the eyes knowing that I slept with Jack.

“Who are you going to invite?” She knows who I'm going to invite, I know that she knows, of course she knows, there’s no one new in my life.

Looking at Ryan, I roll my eyes. “Well, I'm inviting the two of you. Zack is in California and I don’t expect him to come, but I’ll invite him and save him a ticket if he wants it. I guess I’ll invite Alex, as a peace offering. Jack has a ticket if he wants it. Matt gets one. That’s what, six? My mom and my dad will get the last two.”

Ryan crosses her arms over her chest, glancing up at Ryan, like she doesn’t know if she should bring up what she wants to say. “What’s going on with you and Jack?”

Knitting my eyebrows together, I tilt my head to the side, trying to play dumb. My heart is racing in my chest and I have this fear that they can hear it, which makes it beat even faster.

I think I'm sweating, because I'm really hot all of a sudden.

“I don’t know what you mean?” My voice cracks and I didn’t want it to. It’s the only way to tell that I'm lying. Shit, crap, damn, shit.

Sighing softly, Ryan bites down on her lower lip, and Rian slowly walks out of the room, like he knows that whatever is about to be said is a conversation that doesn’t need a man’s input. “What happened between the two of you? I haven’t seen him here all week. You haven’t looked at your phone and laughed from something he texted you. Hell, I don’t think you two have talked at all.”

There’s no way that I can get out of this. Ryan is my best friend. She’s the best person I have in my life, besides Rian. I haven’t told anyone about Jack and I sleeping together, and maybe that’s part of the reason why it hurts so much, because I'm treating it like it’s something that no one can know because it’s such a bad thing.

But, really, I don’t think it’s a bad thing, or I didn’t until he left before I was even awake and hasn’t talked to me.

Running my fingers through my hair, I feel the water filling my eyes. It hurts to think about it. But, it aches to say it out loud. I'm not worth this time. He’s embarrassed that he slept with me. And telling someone else makes it even more real than it is.

“We slept together, on his birthday. And he just, I woke up and he was gone. I haven’t heard from him since.”

Her eyes grow wide and she chokes on her breath, coughing violently. Covering her mouth with her hand, she shakes her head, and I sit there, stunned, not knowing what to say.

I didn’t know how she would react, but this isn't what I would have expected from her. “Are, are you okay, Ry?”

Nodding her head, she calms down, catching her breath. “I'm going to kill him.”

“What the hell? No you're not. He wants to pretend like nothing happens, so we’re going to pretend like nothing happened.”

Opening her mouth to say something, she closes it when she sees the desperation in my eyes. I don’t want this to get around to the guys. I don’t even want to remember that it happened.

“Please, Ryan, I just, it’s not worth it to get all worked up over it. I’ll be fine. I will be. I promise.”

Lolling her head backwards, she sighs softly. “He has a girlfriend, Logan.”

And all the self-pity that I had for myself, I don’t even know what to call it anymore.

Jack Barakat, I want to hate you.