I Dream A Dream

Chapter 5: Dear Diary

But there was always a problem. I could never tell anybody about her. She was my little secret, which was nice knowing but agonising as I had the need of expressing how I felt which was completely torturous. I felt so alone, as if talking to another person was a crime. Crying out my thoughts to myself every night before I would fall in peaceful and sweet slumber. I had no one. It reminded me of when my sister used come to me every night when I was 16 and would tell me how her day was and before I could speak, I would never get a chance to speak my thoughts because she had to sleep or I couldn't say how I felt about anything. Taking risks were so harmful, crossing the line to take a risk would be like playing with fire. My mouth was sealed like a zip pressing against the teeth, closing every last one. And it hurt. Because again, I had no one to talk to about the way my heart fluttered when I saw her last night. In my dreams. How would I tell someone that she was in my dreams? That too every night! And it felt so real, so right, so perfect. Dazing again into my own thoughts, I knew the best way to express my thoughts and feelings. A pen in my right hand and a paper in the other. Scribbling and scribbling, I finally felt free as I wrote:

Dear diary, I saw her again, and found out a name, her name was Cassandra, who was very much in love with me but in fear with the thoughts of her parents coming to meet me. But it was just a dream. Another dream that drove me straight into this. Again. I sit here on this oakwood desk writing how I feel and I feel so... Alone, in love, haunted. That feeling of being wanted is only a feeling I get when I'm with her, with Cassandra. With a girl who is beyond reality, with a girl who leaves marks on my skin, scarring me with her love and passion and fear. Only if one day I could drown in my dream and discover my life with her. Charming beauty, magnificent features, some say I talk like a lovesick Romeo - well really my mum says that, and the boys too. But maybe I am? No, that's stupid right? Being in love with my 'dream' girl? I'm real, my feelings are.. Are they real? That's crazy. I should stop. This is stupid, it's just, just crazy! Bonkers! Nuts! I'll stop, this dream is a dream. A dream. A dream. A dream. A dream. A dream. Just a dream.

Harry .x

And I'll title that as 'reminder of how dreams are not real'.