Why me?

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I woke up from the blackout session in the tub, I could still hear the sounds of the knockig on my door but now it was very faint.  "Ellie?" I called out.   YESS!! She replied back her knocks now more faster and harder then before. I pulled up the drain plug and got out the tub, I watched as the red bloody water drained out of the tub. I wrapped the white fluffy towel around me, and walked into mie and harrys room.... or now my room. I dropped my head in sarrow. I threw on a black dress that came to the middle of my thighs, it was tight around my boobs and ribs but flared out at the ends. I then put on black platform stilleto's and walked to the makeup room. All the boys watched me as i walked down the stairs, then they follwed me to the make up room and sat on the floor behind my chair. I put on some BB cream, powder, black eyeliner on my lid, and some water proof mascara. I looked on the rim of my mirror at the pictures of my sisters, my dad, and Harry....

A tear trickled down my cheek but i quickley wiped it away. I stood up and grabbed my purse with my phone in it and headed to the kitchen when Ellie, and Savannah stopped me. Dont go!! they both said to me but i ignored them and went on the elevator. When I reached the doors  leading to the parking lot of the apartment complex I was bombarded with paparatzzi. All the flashing lights microphones and questions being screamed in your face makes you feel suffocated. I went in the limo and headed towards the nearest church. 

I reached a small church and walked in the big door. 

The place was filled with candles, benches, and padded blocks to kneel on.

I walked to the front of the church and knelt down on a praying block. I looked up at the big sculpture of jesus and just started talking out loud.... I was the only one there anyway.

"Why me?", I have done nothing wrong!! i started screaming. I pulled out a picture of harry out of my purse and just broke down. God i have always been faithful to you and you are always throwing obstacles towards me. Once things are good you making somthing horrible happen"

I stretched my arms out and exposed the fresh cuts on my arms

"Is this what you wanted to happen god?, did you want me to be such a screwed up mess?, Im sorry i broke im just so tired."

"Im tired of trying, Im tired of pretending everything will be fine, Im tired of living everyones death, Im tired of having to paint a smile on my face to please everyone else when im dieing inside"

"You know how everyone says god doesnt close one door without opening another? well You closed plenty of doors and now im trapped in a hallway that leads to no where"

"Theres no recovery root from the pain  I feel.... This boy is not just a boyfriend he is my everything sure we have had a rocky past but who hasnt and since your taking him from me im ripping myself away from you, tell my father, and harry I love them"

I took off my cross my dad gave to me when i was 10 and i placed in on the scalpture.

I heard footsteps so i shot my head around to see who it was.... and it was a priest.

he walked up next to me and grabbed my hand.

"What are you doing?" The old preist asked me

"Im giving up" I said tears staining my cheeks and my eyes blood shot

"I heard whats happening with you and I cant let you do that, Why dont you come back to this church in a week at this time and we will take it from there"

I smiled and shook my head, and he put my cross back around my neck.

"Give it time and dont ever give up on god"

I walked out the church and to the bridge.

I climbed on the ledge and just sat there.

its like i couldnt breathe, its amazing how powerful a destination could be.

I observed every inch of the river and trees, burning the picture into my mind. I honestley had no idea how or if i could make it through this. I might sound a little more dramatic then when my dad died but Harry was there to comfort me through that and now i have no one but my friends. But my friends just dont get it, they say they do but they dont! The things is nobody gets it and im just so tired. Its not the tired where you can go to sleep and wake up better its the tired where you jsut want all the pain that was ever caused to dissapear and there is only one way out of that.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

i climbed off the ledge and walked to the hospital.... I just have to see him.

The lady at the front desk reconized me and pointed to the room Harry was in. I gave her a half smile and walked to his room, my heart was beating so fast.

I combed through my semi-straight hair with my fingers, straightend my dress, and walked into the doctor staring at harrys body. 

Harry had a pulse but his eyes were closed.

The doctor looked at me and then said "Ah your ariana, I have some news for you" I sighed and say down in a waiting chair.

"Harry is fine, his heart is beating he didnt break anything, the reason he wouldnt breathe is because his lungs were filled with river water, we drained his lungs and he is all good he is just sleeping"

My mouth dropped. What....The....Fuck

'Its a true miracale"

The doctor exited the room and i leaped onto harry.

i heard him moan....he must of been soare from the jump but I was to happy.

I sat up and saw his beautiful eyes flutter open.

A tear escaped my eye and trailed down my cheek.

Harry sat up and starred at me. 

"Aw, Why are you crying?" He wipped the tear from my cheek and kept staring at me.

"Why are you starring at me?" He said smiling at the end.

Harry there is so much you missed, I started rambling on about something but then the doctor walked in.

"Hi Harry, your doing fine but we are gonna keep you for tonight just to give you your final medication."

"Can she stay with me?" Harry asked looking at the doctor a little shy.

The doctor chuckled and then replied "Yes she can"

The doctor left and i turned to harry

"Sleepover at a hospital!!"

He chuckled at my stupid remark.

I stood up and the heard harry whistle.

"What?" I said smiling at him."

"You look absolutley beautiful" 

My cheeks turned a bright red and i walked over to his bed and went to kiss his cheek but i kissed his neck and then the corner of his lips.

he tryed to kiss my lips but i got up and stepped away.

He looked upset but i smiled "You need anything from the apartment?" 

He shook his head and i told him i had to get changed and i would explain it all when i got back.

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